The Ascension Island Newspaper
Internet Edition
Index Page About The Islander Ascension Island Links Ascension Island Visitors Book Live Web Cam

The Islander - Thursday 8th November 2001

Father Keith Writes:

PARISH CHURCH OF ST MARY THE VIRGIN.  ASCENSION ISLAND (Diocese of St. Helena) Parish Priest: Fr. Keith James - +247 6431 Church Warden: Mervyn Isaacs Church Warden: Cheryl Anthony

Dear Friends,

At our Parade service this week we celebrated "All Saint's Day."
We looked in particular at the two saints depicted in the Falkland's War memorial windows, St Mary and St Michael. We discovered that whilst we know a good deal from the Gospels about Mary, the mother of our Lord, we know very little about St Michael.

What we did learn was that, unlike most saints, he wasn't a human being at all, but one of the Archangels who, in the Revelation of St John the Divine, fights against the devil in heaven, casting "that old serpent" and all his angels to earth.

So now you know why there is so much evil about! The children at our service looked at St Michael and discovered that in his left hand he holds the flaming sword of truth. In his right hand he holds the scales of justice, with the boy Jesus representing all that is good in one pan of the scales while a little red "devil's angel" is in the other.

St Michael has been called the Commander in Chief of God's Army. As the Patron Saint of Soldiers his connection with all who fight for what is good and just and true continues. In our Remembrance Sunday and Veterans Day service we honour those who have died in the service of our countries. But we shall not stop there. We shall look to the future, for the battle against evil is not yet won. To that time when, as the prophet Isaiah says "nation shall not lift up sword against nation, neither shall they learn war any more.

" I hope you will join us.

God Bless you and keep you, Fr Keith & Ginny.

LETTERS

FROM THE ADMINISTRATOR Mr Geoffrey Fairhurst

BRITISH OVERSEAS TERRITORIES BILL

Progress Report

The British Overseas Territories Bill was introduced in the House of Lords on 21 June and had reached Committee Stage by 24 July, the day before the Lords rose for the summer recess. The Bill passed Committee Stage unamended.

Progress has continued in the autumn session. The Bill passed Report Stage on 23 October and was given a Third (and final) Reading in the Lords on 30 October. No amendments were put forward at either Stage. The Bill therefore went to the House of Commons unamended, where it received a First Reading, also on 30 October.

First Reading involves no more than reading out the full title of the Bill; there is no debate. The first opportunity for debate is at Second Reading, which has to be at least two weekends after First Reading. Second Reading could therefore in theory be as soon as the week commencing 12 November. As before, the precise timing is for Parliamentary Managers. The pressure of other business, particularly anti-terrorism legislation post-11 September, will be considerable. It is as yet difficult to predict with any certainty when Second Reading (and subsequent stages of the Bill) will be. If all goes well Royal Assent should come by the end of this year or early next, but in the circumstances slippage cannot be ruled out.

Geoffrey Fairhurst
5 November 2001

ST HELENA PROPOSED AIRPORT PROJECT

Following the recent visit by the Shelco/Arup team, I asked the Governor about the way forward. The following is drawn from his reply:

SHG has appointed a core team to undertake an analysis of the costs, benefits and implications of each of the possible options and look at their impact on the economic, social and environmental development of the Island. In December, Executive Council will have to consider this analysis and indicate their preferred option(s) prior to a wide public consultation process which will take place during the month of January.

SHG will have to set out the pros and cons of the option(s), Executive Council's recommendation and what the Government would do to mitigate the negatives from SHG's preferred option. In other words once ExCo have expressed their preference, the analysis done by the core team should form the basis of a wider public consultation exercise which will go beyond LegCo Members' constituency meetings, and will enable SHG to reach a wider audience including the media, the churches, schools etc, which is a way to get people who would not go to a constituency meeting, and to entities like the Chamber of Commerce. There will be a similar consultative process for Saints on Ascension Island and information will be distributed to Saints in the Falklands, South Africa and the UK, after ExCo's recommendation in December. Voting at all these meetings will be by a show of hands and we will appoint a number of people who will determine whether or not people have attended more than one meeting and invite such people to vote only once.

Subject to the outcome of this process SHG will submit firm proposals to HMG (ie DFID) on the preferred option so that detailed discussions can take place.

Geoffrey Fairhurst
1 November 2001

The Met Office Weather Report

Statistics for the week ending Monday 5th November 2001

	Max (deg C)	Min (deg C)	Rainfall (mm)
AIRHEAD	28.2	21.9	4.2
TRAVELLERS	27.2	20.0	2.4
RESIDENCY	25.2	16.2	5.9
GEORGETOWN	29.0	21.5	Nil
ST. HELENA	N/A	N/A	N/A
FALKLANDS	19.0	3.3	2.8
BRIZE NORTON	17.9	6.5	1.0

ASCENSION SEA SWELL FORECAST: Around 1.0 to 1.3 Metres from the south.

Sea temperature around Ascension Island: 25 Celsius.

ASCENSION ISLAND: A bit of a mixed bag of a week, with two or three fine and mainly dry days, before more showery conditions returned during the latter stages of the week and through the weekend.

ST.HELENA: St Helena remained in the rather cloudy and showery flow.

UK: High pressure dominated the weather across the south of the UK through much of the week, though a cold front edged slowly southwards through the weekend. A series of weather fronts crossed more northern parts during the early stages of the week. Highest temperature of the week was 17 Celsius recorded mainly in the South of England, with a low of Minus 2 Celsius at Redhill in Surrey during the small hours of Friday morning. The wettest day was Wednesday with nearly an inch of rain falling in the highlands of Scotland.

FALKLANDS: After a settled and mainly fine start to the week, Thursday saw a transition to more changeable and windier conditions, with strong west to north-westerly winds affecting Mount Pleasant during Saturday and Sunday.

October Summary
The month of October was fairly uneventful weather-wise with some fine and sunny days, but also a few of the drizzle showers that can be expected at this time of the year. Temperatures were very close to the seasonal norm, the average maximum being 27.5 Celsius (mean 27C), with the minimum at 22.2 Celsius (mean 22C). The month on a whole was however quite dry, with the airhead recording only 4.2MM, that's only 50% of the average for October.

The week got off to a partying start for us Metties, with Fifer, Cornish and myself trundling down the hill to Tristar Village for the infamous 216 squadron barbie. It was good to note that the squadron actually has three fully trained, professional, flying chefs, Can't, Won't and Cook, the food being done to perfection. Thanks for the night guys, we all thoroughly enjoyed it. The biggest problem on the night however was the vat of special punch, Tom and Alan imbibing several glasses of the orange liquid, even though I tried to curb the volume they consumed by breaking Fifers glass. Both were amazed that I was able to get ice cubes out of the tap, (neither of them having seen the lid come off the urn). Cornish, with a big grin on his face wandered off (initially in the wrong direction) at around midnight, with Fifer and myself being last to leave at nearer 2am. The walk (for want of a better description) back up to Snob Hill was entertainingly different, Fifer belting out that Bryan Adams classic, "Summer of 69" at full volume all the way back.

Tuesday evening saw Tractor Boy, Makem, Tommy and Fifer, bimble off to the US base for an evening hosted by Russell (CSR met). Also present were 216 Squadron with their travelling punch urn, (taken along no doubt for Fifer's enjoyment), so the night had a hint of deja vue to it. But alas Fifer was confined to drinking softies as he had more than willingly volunteered (this could also read "begged" or "insisted") to be duty driver, no doubt in an effort to prevent a repeat of the previous night's volumatic performance. Tommy however made up for Fifers sobriety, not even bothering with a glass, just drinking straight from the tap. Poor girl, she had been fore-warned, but insisted the punch tasted quite watery, undoubtedly (or so she was told) due to the ice having melted….NOT. She admitted the following morning at work, that she was feeling somewhat less than one hundred percent when we dropped her off. Many thanks Russell.

Wednesday was a relatively quiet night by comparison, with Fifer and myself strolling down to the mess bar fairly late in the evening, for a few quiet beers. Fifer insisted that we were not going to follow them with any noisy ones and true to his word, (no doubt suffering from the after effects of the two previous nights and a touch of cold), banged out really early, actually leaving after only one beer. This of course left the Makem to uphold the Metties reputation, this of course being done with usual aplomb, being last out of the bar yet again. Strangest sight of the night however was Lee, fully made up with eye shadow, lipstick and rouge, courtesy of Tommy. (We all know he is a bit strange). Ok so it was halloween, or at least that was his excuse. Those present were quite sensible in refusing to let him leave the bar to visit the MVC. (Shame I didn't have the camera handy).

Thursday saw the end of an era, with the selling on of the famous Whitey. No longer will the Metties have the big, white (with rusty bits), petrol guzzling, beast using up the Posties parking slot, or for that matter breaking down, running out of fuel etc.

Once the proceeds of the sale had been suitably re-distributed among the staff, myself and Tommy went of to the metropolis to buy some supplies, only to realise on arriving at the shop that Thursday is half day closing. Both of us then had an enjoyable afternoon on the beach, the Makem trying to even up his tan, before nipping to the VC for tea. Tractor Boy and Cornish had a quiet-ish evening in the mess bar, being joined by Lee, Bill and Andy the Chief Chef. Reports suggest that Tractor Boy made the mistake of going onto the whiskey late in the evening.

Friday saw happy hour in the Mess, as usual well attended, with decorations (by Mum) to celebrate yet another birthday for Scribbly Dave. One overheard comment by the birthday boy to Mum was "just drop em", referring of course to the pigs (from the game of the same name) that she was holding (would I ever suggest anything else?). Makem and Fifer stuck to softies (at least my excuse was work that evening) but Cornish, obviously still in intensive training, was putting in some practice for the Serco beach party later in the evening. It was a good job that at least a couple of Metties attended said beach party, as Lee was a little worse for wear. When offered a lift home at 10 PM, he gratefully accepted, but not before grabbing a handful of prawn crackers which he proceeded to unceremoniously stuff into his mouth.

Saturday saw Tractor boy and Fifer visit the metropolis of Georgetown for a re-supply trip and a visit to reflections, Tractor Boy sampling the fishcakes for the first and second time. (he claims they were so nice he had to have two). A visit to the beach followed for the rest of the afternoon, before Fifer, returning to Snob Hill, began the ritual abuse of (probably) the only Sunderland fan on the island. This continued into the evening, including more abuse, this time from Fifer's wife in the UK. Fifer and Myself strolled down to the mess later in the evening, with the walk down being more like a re-enactment of the Magnificent Seven, as we were joined at the bottom of the hill be Lee and further along the road by Bill (O.K. so it could be better described as more like the inebriated four). Several beer's/gins followed with the Makem banging out early this time, (but not before the bar was closed), claiming later that it was due to a lack of sleep.

Sunday saw a fairly quiet day, Fifer once again doing the beach while Makem spent the day recovering from the previous night, but to be fair he had succumbed to the bug which has plagued the metties all week. The evening saw Fifer, Cornish and Gary drive over to Two Boats for a game of snooker, the Makem remaining safely (and quite sensibly) tucked up in bed with a hot chocolate.

News has reached us of some really creative accounting by Emma. The question was asked as to how many quarters are in a dollar, her answer THREE!!!. Maybe maths is not her forte, but I'm sure that a job in a "bureau de change" awaits, just as long as we don't go there for our holiday money.

The following is another in the series of Grog reports, submitted by our roaming correspondent Falling Phil.

Grog report

THE GREAT MYSTERY WALK

One of the delights of holidaying has always been the opportunity for a magical mystery tour, usually by coach, where only the driver knows the route and sets out to show the passengers the countryside, places of interest and of course at least one local hostelry. Unfortunately availability of coaches, to say nothing of the road conditions is sadly lacking on ASI. Plus the fact that everyone knows where the roads go and what's on them anyway.

As fame (but not fortune) has spread of the GROG exploits a number of people, obviously disturbed and in need of help, expressed a wish to experience some of the adventures. But where to go and what to do?

Never one to be daunted by such detail Rambling Roger proposed a GROG Mystery Walk. Advertisements were placed at strategic locations asking for "volunteers". Long into the night discussion raged as to the route. The pro's and con's of each path was meticulously analysed until Rambling had the route in his head. As is normal with most GROG stories (the first G does stand for geriatric after all) we must digress slightly and bring the reader up to date on other important news and views loosely associated with this tale of daring do.

We must begin yet again with Friday Happy Hour where in the bar the predominantly Male Voice Choir - yet another MVC anagram - sang along with those well known luminaries of the entertainment world - Dean Martin, Louis Armstrong, Max Bygraves etc. in an effort to recruit even more GROG members. In addition those present also saw Rambling Roger perform a pole-dancing act that nearly bought the house down and reached new heights in physical ability and artistic impression. A new sing-along tape has now been compiled by DDDD and the mind can only boggle to what this will lead to. Burning Bernie took advantage of the occasion to make a fashion statement and for the rest of us it is now entirely acceptable to wear stripes and checks in the same ensemble, drink Amarula and fall off a stool laughing at Rambling Roger's pole dancing performance.

Saturday was a day of further planning and rest. However while taking morning coffee it came to light that a new article is in the embryo stage that may find a place in future in this august publication. It would to be entitled: "Tony's Tip Top Tips".

We are proud to report that there is someone who has mapped the exact location of every item ever placed in One Boat Tips. Recently requiring a table he was able to go immediately to the exact spot in the many tips where one had been discarded. But wait, the legs are too long! No problem, a quick poke around and here is a saw. It can only be hoped he can be persuaded to share his wealth of Tip Top Tips with all.

Back to the walk. Laden with an infinite variety of cheese and Spam sandwiches lovingly prepared by the ASI's answer to the Roux brothers - Burning Bernie and Incendiary Ian, a total of 13 brave souls set off on Sunday morn, initially by vehicle, to follow wherever the guide led. Up the mountain went the GROGS to the beginning of Convalescent. Leaving the vehicles the party made it's way up the path, marvelling at the sound of the cockerels crowing. Entering the Residency grounds an all to brief water stop was taken on the manicured lawn (no sign of morning coffee on offer). Leaving via the Scout Path on the other side of the grounds steady progress was made. This is said advisedly as although fairly well defined and relatively easy there are some sections that saw the majority of the party crawling up loose scree and wondering at their wisdom in signing up for the adventure. However all finally made it to end at NE Cottage. On up to Rupert's where lunch was taken seated on the wall.

Although not one of the more frequently used paths Rupert proved to be surprising well defined and clear with some excellent views. Continuing steadily upwards the tour entered the grounds of Garden Cottage where three of the party departed down the mountain to fulfil another social engagement. The remainder entered the tunnel with the Mr Burns look-alike in the lead. This proved to be error that led to much bumping of bodies and muttered curses as he took great delight in stopping immediately after walking through each puddle so leaving the rest of the party standing in water. Threats seemed to have little effect but revenge would surely come!

Breakneck Pass and the Pines were transited without incident and thus onto the NASA road where the GROG Mobile waited, resplendent in large GROG lettering.
An honour guard arch of walking sticks, ski poles and branches was formed for the final few yards for Mr Burns and his lady to pass under. Retribution waited! Without any bodily contact whatsoever and while attempting to airily wave a limp wrist in acknowledgement Mr Burns nearly lost his footing and staggered backwards. Joy oh joy a camera shot caught this move and the look of horror that appeared on his face! Copies will be available for sale at a modest fee. Applications please to Scribbly.

Finally back to Travellers Hill for drinks and a Mystery Walk critique. All were tired, all enjoyed it and all found it stimulating. What more can a Mystery Walk give you!

PICTURES FROM ASCENSION'S BONFIRE NIGHT

HASH TRASH

Hash #877

03 Nov 01

To have this many unruly sods gathered at won place, it must be hash day. All gather at the VC where chatter of drinks and play start to overtake the hairs trying to shoot out warnings. Three motorized chariots whisk us away to parts unknown.

After hours of travel, we finally gather at a stone monument with white droppings around the base. ON-ON up and up and UP~!! As all sorry sods group at the top of the first lump of rock known as Sisters, a blustery wind attempts to blow all off the edge. More UP is in store and all are heard groaning and wishing plagues upon our wonderful hares (one of which copped out).

At the top of what feels like forever, the hounds try to catch what breath possible to fit in tired lungs. It was here that Fugitive cannot find the Drain-man who was suffering a bit of the Friday 2 Boats flu and was a no-show.(me sees a down-down for him soon) With one of the bestest downs on the rock, the ON-ON is off the other side of this lump.

HKP shows all how to gently stroll down the skree and Boots shows off the 'bounce-n-run' step. Off towards more downs and Fido shows off his 'slide-n-grab' technique to the circle check mid way around a tree. A boot dumping begins at the bottom as we watch and see Mrs. Trunchbull leading Gilligan down the hill.(me thinks him scared) As the hares regroup and attempt humour, the ON-ON is over more lava. Over fresh lava, around pointy thorn trees, and through dust hip deep, all arrive at a circle check.

Island Boy looks and listens for the Medi-Chopper that SHOULD BE HERE TO PICK US UP!! Off again towards the dumping grounds and a beautiful sight of a vehicle to take us home. WRONG!!! This was a ploy to steal our women and children away. Now with nothing to follow or look at, moral is low and the rest of the sods plod on towards the evening sunset. Civilization ahead lures all to the VC Gazebo and liquids and foods, however, not all make the journey without the hash gods grappling with as Yeti can attest.

Great and LONG hash hares and some tasty foods as well. The award of "Dirtiest Hasher" goes to Fido for his ability to apply Ascension in a hole new way.

Hash Hares - Gilligan, Skipper, Fugitive
Hash Hounds - Boots, Rusty Head, Beany Baby, Mama 3 Bones, Bonehead, Rug Rat, Rat Boy, Crystal Tips, Twin Peaks, Mrs. Trunchbull, Puff Grannie, Mortica, Radar, Fruit Bat, Frank-N-Furter, Limp Sausage, The Major, Yeti, Hong Kong Phooey, Chief Longpole, Elmer Fudd, Island Boy, Blackfish, Rich Next week's hares - The Rat family from the Windmills * Hash note - Teams for the Second All Day Hash are 1) Rat Boy & Limp Sausage; 2) Fruit Bat & Fido; 3) HKP & A-Drain; 4) Fugitive & "?"; 5) The Ladies

HASH SCRIBE - HKP

Golf News - From One Boat Golf Club

Norman, Richard & Ghostie after the Open

On Saturday 3rd November saw the finals of the 2001 Open Championship. The weather was hot and windy. After the first nine holes Richard Joshua increased his lead and shot 35 his nearest rival on this 9 was Kenny Wensel on 36.

The drama continued to unfold over the last nine holes and whilst Richard lost some of his form from the front 9, no other player was close enough to pose any serious challenge. However, Norman Thomas and Ray Crowie was close and played well enough to knock out the other two top players namely Fiona Bennett and Lyn Leo. Norman had overall best round and return a 74 and Ray 77. Both Fiona and Lyn shot 83.

Richard's final round was 75 and this was sufficient to make him the clear winner by 7 strokes with an overall score of 293 over four rounds. Norman Thomas came second with score of 300 and Ray Crowie third on 302.

Richard is probably the youngest player to win the Open for many years and this is not only great credit to himself but encouragement for all our younger players. He is no stranger to winning either having won all the other major Tournaments at One Boat Golf Club during the short time he has been playing the game. I would therefore like to congratulate Richard on this wonderful achievement.

Strangely enough no one score any two's so we chipped off for nearest the pin on 9th Green to decide a winner for the 12 golf balls. This went to Norman Thomas. I should also mention given the windy conditions Norman shot an excellent 35 over the back nine. The other scores were Fiona Bennett 305, Lyn Leo 306, Kenny Wensel 307, George Thomas 310, Andrew Bennett and John Joshua 315, Lawson Henry and Martin Joshua 320 and Mark Anthony 331.

The Presentation followed after which we enjoyed a delicious meal prepared by Brian (Leggie) Legg to whom we would like to thank for all his hard work. I would also like to thank the Band: the two Colins, Cedric, Eddie and Bobby for entertaining us until the wee hours.

Thanks to all the players who took part in this year's open championship, Marshals: Freddie Bennett, Douglas Augustus, David Beard and Johnny Hobson. Sid and Jim for keeping the Leader Board. Patrick and his Team at Bar and last but by no means least to Iva for all her support to me throughout the Tournament.

The next competition will be the monthly Medal this will be on Sunday 18th November starting at 8.30am. Please sign list on Club Notice Board.

Please also reserve Sunday 2nd December for a Two Team Texas Scramble this will be the Ray Beano Competition combined with Chilli Cook off sponsored by the American Legion. Great prizes to be won, food will also be provided; list will go on Notice Board shortly.

Lawson Henry
Captain

www.the-islander.org.ac

EDITORS : Adam & Julia
The New Islander Office, Fort Hayes, Georgetown, Ascension Island.
Tel/Fax 00 + 247 6327

E-Mail: editors@the-islander.org.ac

Internet Team: Richard Thomas, Laura & Mark Handley, Gavin Yon

Deadline for all contributions is 6.00pm on Monday

All articles © copyright 2000 The Islander Newspaper. All rights reserved.

Please visit our sponsor: