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The Islander - Thursday 18th October 2001

Sunday night saw the first public event in support of MOBILE. Thanks to Noddy and his unique charity character, the generous sum of £307.19 was collected by him. Along with a previous individual donation, the Fund is now £382.19. Thank you to everyone for the generous contributions. Thank you to I.B.F. for the brilliant entertainment and to the Two Boats Club for the venue. The size of the audience was a clear indication of appreciation for Paul at his last gig before leaving for England. We join I.B.F. in wishing Paul every success in the future. (C. Leo)

Father Keith Writes:

PARISH CHURCH OF ST MARY THE VIRGIN.  ASCENSION ISLAND (Diocese of St. Helena) Parish Priest: Fr. Keith James - +247 6431 Church Warden: Mervyn Isaacs Church Warden: Cheryl Anthony

Dear Friends,

Last week I ended my letter with the words " All we can do is pray for justice and for peace"
I hope you are all doing just that.

This last Sunday we had a Family Service with a difference. Usually it is a fairly informal service; prayers, readings, sharing our "joys and sorrows" together, a little teaching and several hymns.
This week we held a Holy Eucharist.
We still had the Guides and Cubs with their Colours, and it was a treat to see so many well-turned out in their smart uniforms. But the service itself was Holy Communion, the Eucharist, or as our Roman Catholic friends would call it, the Mass.

The aim was to learn a little together what the service is about, how it is divided up into praise of God, then confessing our sins and receiving God's forgiveness, and listening to Scripture and trying to understand how the scriptures speak to us today.

Instead of saying "The Creed" we sang a hymn which put into words what Christians world-wide believe, and then, after saying our prayers for the Church, the World, Ourselves and Those in Need we made peace with one another with the words of Jesus, "Peace be with you."

Next we began the Communion. We reminded ourselves that this was what Jesus asked us to do. As he and his friends gathered round the table on the night that he was betrayed so we gathered round the Lord's Table.
Some received Communion, received the sacraments, the Bread of Life and the Wine of Love. Others came to the Altar for a 'Blessing'; in Christ's name I laid my hand on them and prayed that God would "make his face shine on them."

After we had sung "Now thank we all our God with hearts and hands and voices" and had refreshments we went home, back to a world of so much sadness and sorrow and anguish.
We had remembered that world in our prayers, but for an hour we had somehow 'come close to God.'
At least that's how I felt.

Close to a God who loves all his family, his children; Jews, Muslims, Christians, Hindus or whatever. A God who says "love one another, as I have loved you."

God Bless you and keep you, Fr Keith & Ginny.

LETTERS

ROYAL MAIL FROM UK

I know that the lack of surface mail from UK has been a matter of great concern recently. The Post Mistress has been pursuing this with the postal authorities in UK. You may be interested in the following response that I received from Consignia on 12 October:

I should first of all explain that the re-tendering process of our shipping contracts was delayed and also ownership of the routes to the South Atlantic changed. Andrew Weir took over from Curnow (St Helena) and Ariel took over from EASL services (Ascension & Port Stanley)and this has added to the confusion. Additionally, we are informed by Ariel that a couple of small companies have gone bust and the vessels that are currently in service are having to call at other ports which has disrupted the schedules.

The despatch of 20th August consisting of 22 bags was conveyed on "St Helena" arriving in Ascension on 11th September. You don't mention this in your e-mail; I would be grateful for your confirmation that this despatch has arrived. Despatches 6& 7 of 10th & 17th September should have been on the vessel "Anne Boye" but she did not call at UK in September as scheduled. A replacement vessel (Baltimar Orion) departed 2nd October but I have been unable to establish why these despatches were not included.

We fully appreciate the seriousness of this situation and the impact on the Island's residents. To help remedy the situation, I am now making arrangements for these two despatches (total 15 bags) to be sent by air instead of waiting for the next vessel. I will write to you next week to confirm whether this has been possible and the expected arrival time.

The next scheduled vessel will be the "Kochnev" which is due to sail on 1st November and arrive in Ascension on 14th November. I'm sure we will then be back to normal service.

Please accept our sincere apologies for this severe breach in service.

Yours sincerely Alan Newing
Pipeline Manager - Asia

The Post Mistress and I will continue to press Consignia to maintain a proper service.

Geoffrey Fairhurst
13 October 2001

FROM THE ADMINISTRATOR Mr Geoffrey Fairhurst

Visit by Michael Bradley, Constitutional Adviser
With the RMS St Helena arriving a day later than expected, I have had to amend Mr Bradley's programme. This is the latest version:

Sunday 21 October - Afternoon available at the Guest House for consultations

Monday 22 October - Visits to employees at places of work until 1630 when he will meet members of the Forum. At 1900 we will have the public meeting at the Saints' Club.

Tuesday 23 October - Meet members of AIMG; any outstanding visits to workplaces; anyone else who wishes to see him. He leaves for UK that evening.

Admiralty Mast
Many will recall that about three years ago, the top part of the Admiralty Mast had to be removed for safety reasons. The Royal Navy have now given us a replacement mast which was previously at HMS Cambridge, a gunnery school near Plymouth. The Heritage Society feel that we should keep our existing historic mast and put the new one on the opposite side of the road leading to the Pierhead, near the existing sign to the Museum and Gallery. Views welcomed.

Geoffrey Fairhurst
15 October 2001

The Met Office Weather Report

Statistics for the week ending Monday 15th October 2001

	Max (deg C)	Min (deg C)	Rainfall (mm)
AIRHEAD	27.9	21.5
TRAVELLERS	27.0	19.6	2.3
RESIDENCY	23.9	16.6	16.6
GEORGETOWN	30.0	21.0	Nil
ST. HELENA	20.0	14.1	1.8
FALKLANDS	16.0	-0.4	1.2
BRIZE NORTON	21.4	7.8	5.0

ASCENSION SEA SWELL FORECAST: Around 0.8M from the south, but easing to around 0.5M and turning North-westerly by Friday.

Sea temperature around Ascension Island: 25 Deg. C

ASCENSION ISLAND: It's been a mix of mainly sunny days this week but cloudy nights with light showers.

UK: After a stormy Monday with strong winds and rain things settled down a bit although showers and patchy rain persisted at times through the week which ended with very light winds and hazy conditions with fog forming overnight.

FALKLANDS: It was a fairly uneventful week for weather in the Falklands with strong northerly winds on Tuesday and relatively mild at times but turning colder into the weekend with a touch of night frost.

What a week it's been for us Metties. The new Boss, Nick, arrived on Monday morning, followed on Friday by Alan, Mystics replacement. That will shortly leave me as the K.O.S. after a mere two months on the island.

Monday morning saw me turn up at the office to do some work on the PC's with a mysteriously sore thigh and knee. The Laird was able to part explain what had happened; by all accounts there was a loud crash from my basha just before midnight, but not accompanied by any cursing or swearing. I guess I must have fallen out of (or perhaps into) bed.

Wednesday afternoon saw Nick assuming the usual laid back position expected of the Senior Mettie, asleep on the beach …Nice one Nick, but be careful, it's just about mid-summers day here and that sun pack's a mighty punch. His quote of the day was "I don't mind sleeping on the wet patch!!!!" (the beach towel we think he meant) The evening saw a four mettie turn out in the mess bar, for a gin guzzling session. Alas Nick is not quite yet up to local drinking speed and Mystic must have been taking it easy as she was at work the next day. The evening in the bar ended with Tom, myself and Ian (chef) sinking several more drinks, while being regaled by stories of Diane, Tonka, Pud and Titch , Ian's family. This was followed by late G+T's on the veranda with Brian the Telemech, leading to a 3am turn in. Good to see things are getting nicely back to normal again.

Thursday again saw the off duty staff sun-burning on the beach at Northeast bay, both Tom and Nick have a couple of months of catching up to do, but at least they are trying. (not bad for Nick, four days on the island, two sunburning sessions in already).Tommy had an enjoyable (if rather fruitless) afternoon playing King Canute, but as with the famed historical character, she completely failed in her attempt to turn back the tide and subsequently entertained/confused (easily done) those assembled by half burying herself in the sand. A quiet evening followed, with all of the off duty staff tucked away in bed by 10 pm. (Is that due to age or could it be that work beckoned the following morning?).

Friday saw the return to the island of Alan, Mystics relief, plus Bernie, a Met Techie (his first visit) to install some new kit. There were six, yes Six, met men in the office on Friday morning, and for those of you who have visited our little domain, you will know how crowded that made the place. Gloria from the mess recognised Alan almost instantly, but Alan, still suffering from Jet Lag?/shock, took a few seconds to click on.

The evening saw the mass gathering of the Metties in the Mess Bar for Peter's farewell drinks. Could this have been the biggest ever turnout of Met staff in the island's history? Also in attendance were Gary and Tommy from Ops, all of us having several drinks, which of course involved rather large quantities of Gin and Tonic (and poor Mystic was at work). Peter's wry wit did not desert him on the night either, causing many a broad smile late in the evening. By all accounts there was another small bash going on that evening, the noise from the MVC could be heard in the Combined Mess. Best wishes go to Kenny and Donk, hope you both enjoy you sojourn to the deepest, darkest, and most dangerous parts of Africa. Also goodbye to Arnie (MT) who ends his long, long holiday on these sun-kissed shores.

Saturday morning saw a change to the norm (at least after the last few weeks) with all the duty staff managing to get into work on time for a change. This may have had something to do with getting an anonymous phone-call at 5-30 am….many thanks. The afternoon saw a rather strange but interesting sight on the airhead, with Bernie the Techy playing with a large erection at the back of the office, which of course brought a sly smile to young Tommy's face. There was nothing pornographic going on though, just the new met wind system being installed atop the old mast.

Saturday evening saw the departure of Peter, The Laird of Montrose for greener pastures and his old job in the National Met Centre at Bracknell. Thanks from all here for the help over the past months, hope you enjoy your well deserved holidays.

This special new report from our GROG correspondent was received on Friday, it's quite apt when you read Mystics parting shot I think!

SPECIAL NEWS REPORT
FACT OR FICTION?
THE GREAT COW HUNT SAGA
Or
THE LAST GRAND ADVENTURE

Long have been the tales whispered around the BBQ fires of Ascension Island of the mysterious beasts of Green Mountain. These creatures are said to resemble cows and many a worthy, usually fuelled by the amber Ollies, has claimed to have seen them. Some even claim to have taken photographs! (Authors note: The photographs so far produced have been distinctly indistinct and can only be likened to those claiming to be the Loch Ness Monster!)

All new arrivals to the Island are regaled with stories of these mythical animals. Their shape, size, colour, horns differ according to who tells the tale. People have reported meeting them half up the mountain, coming through the tunnel, along the NASA road, in fact just about everywhere.

(Question: How does a cow hold a torch when walking through the tunnel? Impaled on a horn? Where do they get the torch batteries? Or have they got infrared vision?)

Yet another group, consisting mainly of philosophers usually found clustered together in the MVC bar on a Sunday afternoon, believe the cows to be nothing other than the result of a fertile imagination, brought on by a surfeit of alcohol. As experts in all things floating, including pink elephants, there may be some truth to their theory!

Anyway this grand adventure began when the geriatric rambling only group (GROG) heard that Burning Bernie (BB), the stand-in chef, had not yet seen anything of the sun kissed tropical paradise of Ascension Island. "Fear not" the GROGS cried, "We will take you rambling". And up the mountain they went. Ooh! Ahh! Said BB as the views were revealed to him. Then, climbing a ridge Rambling Roger suddenly cried, "Look, there are the cows!" Sure enough two magnificent beasts could be seen on a rise no more than 300 yards away. Rucksacks were torn from backs, cameras seized, curses muttered as excitement and haste made hands clumsy, cameras finally raised to the eye and ….……nothing. they had gone, vanished, disappeared. Were the GROGS hallucinating? Had there been something secretly added to the food? Were brains so old and addled as to imagine the sighting?

Not to be foiled when so close Rambling Roger immediately sped off towards the cows last seen location hotly pursued by BB thrusting his ski poles into the ground - its true I tell you! Falling Phil, built more for comfort than speed, chose a different route that cleverly widened the search area. Up and down the gullies and ridges, in and out of bushes and around rocks went the GROGS but NO cows!

Were they stealth cows? Were they hiding and watching the fruitless search and quietly mooing to themselves in glee? Or is it ghee? No one will ever know.

Returning dejected to the civilisation of Travellers Hill and the bar the intrepid GROGS were foolish enough to reveal their first sighting of the bovines and subsequent futile search. Immediately every bull, calf, cow, heifer and udder joke entered the conversation, led by the soon to depart Laird of Montrose of Met Chat fame. Little could added by the GROGS except "Bullocks". (possible mis-spelling here Phil)

The GROGS suffered in silence as cruel and hurtful jibes were wantonly hurled at them, led in the main by Dastardly Deep Diving Dunny (4D). (The same person who takes his dogs for a walk, returns to his car, gets in and is about to drive off when he sees his dogs sitting alongside the car looking up at him!)

So sure was he that the cows were a fantasy he offered a wager. If found and seen by him or photographed he would pen an abject and grovelling apology to the GROGS and submit it for inclusion in this same august publication.

Stung beyond endurance into accepting the wager, the GROGS ambitiously declared their intention to return to the mountain, carry out a further search and photograph the cows. Audience ears became pricked and suddenly all and sundry wanted to take part. This was no longer to be a GROG party but a full-scale expedition!

The GROG expedition planning continued long into the night (happy hour again) until it was decided that leaving Saturday at the crack of dawn might very well surprise the beasts at their breakfast. All those capable gathered at the appointed time - 9 o'clock (well it was the morning after happy hour) - and set off complete with search dogs panting at heel.

Possible locations were viewed from afar without success. Up and down dale and around the mountain the search party trudged, but to no avail. All that could be discovered was many a lair, complete with bovine dietary evidence of considerable size and consistency. Some less dedicated members and doubters of the party claimed sheep with a stomach complaint caused the brown Frisbees on display.

However the GROGS had one last card to play. Although the mist and drizzle was steadily increasing owing to the presence of Rain Man Plod (RMP), (this worthy claimed to be a country boy at heart having spent his formative years on a farm). This, together with his chosen profession of Policeman, placed him in the ideal position to confirm the evidence found had been ejected from the rear end of a cow. (The considerable number of hoof prints may also have helped him reach this conclusion!)

BUT, still no photographs. Tired, photo less but unbowed the GROG expeditionary force retreated from the mountain to continue the search another day - plus of course there was the England/Greece football match to be considered. Although unsuccessful in their quest to obtain photographic evidence the GROGS can reliably report that the legendary beasts of Green Mountain do still exist!
And, as someone famous once said "THE GROGS WILL RETURN!"

The Makem.

Mystic of course is soon to leave, destined for the windy and wooly wilds of West Wales, so the time has come for her farewell message: Well it's now just over 6 months since I first set foot on Ascension not knowing what was in store or who, if anyone, was there to meet me at the terminal. Little did I know that the then boss had told everyone I was an Olympic standard kick-boxer causing some worry amongst my future colleagues!

After the inevitable turmoil of the first week, settling in and dispelling the kick-boxing myth, things started to settle into a vague pattern of doing as much as possible in every spare moment not spent at work. Something which has continued through almost all of my tour (eye patch episode excepted) so if you see me yawning you'll know why.

One of my first discoveries was the Dew Pond and the top of Green Mountain, a whole different world to all the red dust below. Many walks and a small scar collection later I have managed to get a full set of letterbox stamps including boatswain bird view (why on earth did anyone think it was a good idea to put that box there!) with only minor injuries sustained.

As for the sea, it only took one snorkel and I was hooked. Clear, warm waters, white sand and strange and colourful fish have made English Bay one of my most visited places on the island. Sadly there were no scuba diving instructors for most of my tour although I did manage to get a couple of goes in the end (thanks Pete!). Night spear fishing will also be an experience to remember (thanks Ian) with sleeping black fish and the glowing orange eyes of the alien like crayfish (thankfully no hungry sharks though) and I nearly made a catch too.

Ascension has been full of surprises with such a variety of terrain, just when you think you've done everything you hear of more activities to partake in, like the little publicised clay pigeon and rifle shooting (it's just as well my shooting turned out to be better than my darts playing or it could have been messy!). Thanks to Paul for telling me about it and for the Taekwondo sessions, I think I'm just about starting to understand sparring now!

Other highlights have been the incredible night sky especially through the telescope when the Highlander was here, watching turtles nesting on the beach, sitting with the Wideawake bird colony and their chicks and the many barbecues, parties and friendly people.

It's been a race against time, but I have managed to pack in most things the island has to offer while I've been here. (including a brush with the law!) and had a good time too. But when you start dreaming about seeing the elusive Green Mountain cows it's probably time to go home! Thanks to all the people I have met here who have helped make this a great 6 months and I hope the new met team will have as much fun. And who knows, I may be back to see you again sometime.

Mystic Met

STOP PRESS.
Shares in Gordons Gin are rumoured to be on the verge of collapse at the news that Mystic is to return to the UK.

PROPOSED TRIP TO THE U.K.

A Very Interesting Friend

By the Headteacher - Mrs Betty Joshua

SCHOOL PAGE

www.ais.co.ac/school/

Hello from TBS!

This week we look back at visits and visitors and ahead to our school's Harvest Week.

OFFICIAL SHIP VISIT
Last week you will remember seeing pictures of our Senior School students with teacher Miss Rebecca Abe` on board the RSS James Clark Ross. This event followed a proposal to the Master of the vessel by the Administrator for such a visit, and the opportunity was taken up immediately by our interested young people. We take this opportunity of thanking all those who made the visit possible and to the Master and the crew of the vessel for entertaining the students and teacher in such an informative and enjoyable manner. We wish all those on board the vessel well, wherever they may be on the deep blue sea!

VISITORS TO SCHOOL
It's always a pleasure to welcome visitors to our school and just recently, whilst in transit to the UK, we were delighted to have Mike Higgins and Rachel Ind, drop by. Mike and Rachel had come to the end of their two year contracts in St. Helena and were returning home to somewhat cooler temperatures and much busier environments!! Good luck to you both!

HARVEST CELEBRATION WEEK
Competitions & Sponsored activities
This year the school has decided to have a week of activities incorporated into the normal timetable when we celebrate the 'fruits of our labours' culminating in a Harvest Assembly/Open Evening on the last day. To date we have begun working towards art/craft and speech competitions and 'judging' for these will take place next week. We have planned a series of sponsored activities as well, and monies raised from these will go towards our Entertainments Fund to be used for the purchase of much needed stage curtains and other equipment. Please support the children in their efforts should they come knocking on your door seeking sponsorship!! The activities they will be involved in are as follows:
Nursery and Reception Sponsored BOUNCE.
Years 1 & 2 Sponsored SWIM
Middle 1 & 2 Sponsored READ
Senior School Sponsored SPELL/MENTAL MATHS

Survey outcome - Open Evening
Following a recent survey carried out by the Year 9 IT class on parents' preference for a morning or evening 'open school' session, results have revealed the majority to be in favour of an evening session. This preference allows all working parents the opportunity to come into school at a more comfortable time of day to view classrooms and see their children at work. Programme Open Evening, then, is planned for the last day of the celebratory week which is Friday, 26 October, running from 6 to 8 p.m., with the following programme: 6.00pm - 7.00pm Harvest Assembly followed by the sharing of food from our Harvest table. 7.00pm - 7.45pm Classrooms open to parents and visitors with classroom activities in progress.

Harvest Table
As has been the custom, the sharing of the harvest table goodies has been possible, and a most enjoyable event, as a result of parents' generous donations of small plates of eats brought in by their children. You are welcome to join us this year for a bite to eat and share the 'togetherness' that this event affords us.

We look forward to having your support for the children's sponsored activities and your presence at the Assembly and Open Evening.

And that's it for this time. Next week Middle One will share some of their topic work with you. We do hope you enjoyed reading the 'spooky' camping adventures of Year 1 & 2 pupils. The spooks seemed to have made a double appearance, too!! Was that due to Editor Adam burning the midnight oil alone??!!!

Betty Joshua
Headteacher

ROYAL ENGINEER SURVEYORS AT WORK

You may recently have noticed a few extra Royal Engineers about the island (the ration storeman certainly has!). We are a course of surveyors from The Royal School of Military Engineering in Chatham, currently on our final project. Instead of surveying some sleepy RAF camp in the east of England we were sent to the party Island of Ibiza Ascension. The RE EWC needed some high quality surveys of sites on the Island but he made do with our efforts instead.

The surveys were required to allow improvements to the Island to be designed; these include a boat slipway at English Bay and access roads to the Rock Crushing Area, Explosives Store and Donkey Plain Transmitter Site. The course of 8 men was split into 3 groups for the tasks but all worked together on the hydrographic survey of English Bay. Throughout the project, technical (and spiritual) support was provided by Survey Instructors SSgt Vince 'Poncherelli' Bridle and Sgt Richie 'I hate everybody' Williams. The Station Commander's desk was grounded for repairs so he kindly offered to help us by piloting the survey boat. By the end of our short stay on the Island, all work was successfully completed and the survey drawings were submitted to the RE EWC.

On reflection the whole course thoroughly enjoyed working on the Island, making many new friends. It was a great experience to get out of the UK for a couple of weeks and complete a worthwhile project that will hopefully benefit the Station. The course would like to express their deepest thanks to The Station Commander and RE EWC for making our stay on the Island thoroughly enjoyable.

HASH TRASH

Hash #874

13 Oct 01

Hash Hares: Thunderthighs & Fido
Hash Hounds: Fugitive,Skipper,Frank-n-Furter,Fruit Bat,A-Drain,the Major, Miss Trunchbull,Limp Sausage,Rat Boy,Rug Rat,Ivor the Engine, Crystal Tips,Beany Baby,Hong Kong Phooey,Gilligan,Elmer Fudd, Chief Longpole,Barley Buckeye,Island Boy,Golden Locks

Tiggers

As today's hash pack gathers at the abode of Thunderthighs, we welcome back several hashers who have been wandering the lands in search of higher places to climb and others who wanted to go mud hashing.

The on-on is sounded and all are off towards the CSO building to find vehicles there to carry us away. On-on is in and up. As we are carted to the top of the world, our lead drive chooses the wrong donkey to pull our load and it gives up the ghost. At the top we charge down trails to find the first circle check at the top of a very slippery path. Down we slip and ski with our hare doing his impression of Woodswrecker.

Two back arrows slows most giving the Knitting Circle a brief rest. Down more thru bananas and our armored six-legged moles to another O check where wounds are compared and yarns spun. On-on again and we merge from the foliage into the open skies and an O check where footwear is emptied. Island Boy shouts his score of 14-10 Hashers vs. Crabs. Off again to find another challenge of Skipper vs. Pricky Bush in which the bush gives back more then expected. A rest stop under the trees shows that even the FRB's can slow down.

Dampier's Drip lies ahead and a very welcome home arrow leads all back to A1 where Curry and rice are consumed by even the furry ones.

Great hash and yummies guys(and gals).

Next week's hares: Limp Sausage & Fruit Bat from the Sugar Lumps(will be a long one)

* Hash Note: Hash shirt design contest for 2002 and 900th hash. Get together, have some wets and come up with a design for our next shirt. Prizes will be given for best.
Send/give ideas back by to HKP or A-Drain.(900th hash will be sometime in April or May) This can be a combined design or two different ones, you chose.

HASH SCRIBE - HKP

Golf News - From One Boat Golf Club

On Sunday 14th October, saw the first of two qualifying rounds of the 2001 Open. The weather conditions were light rain to start but this soon cleared to a cool morning under thick cloud. 39 players took part, and after a light lunch Johnny Hobson set about auctioning the players off.

This was done before the scores of the first round were announced; the sum raised from the auction was £1,951.00. The highest player was sold for £250.00 and that was Richard Joshua.

There were no less than ten players who scored a two in this first round they were, Patrick Moyce, George (Dover) Thomas, John Billingsley, Lyn Leo, Kenny Wensel, Fred Bennett, Ollie O'Dean, Reg Stevens, Ray Crowie, and Mark Anthony. Each player had four balls, two being left from a previous competition.

Scores within the seventies were as follows: -

The second qualifying round will now take place on Saturday 20th October starting at 12 noon, the draw for this round is as follows:

Thanks to Johnny Hobson for giving up his time to auction off the players, Patrick and Dover for arranging the refreshments and to Iva Henry for doing the scores and assisting Johnny with the Auction. Look forward to seeing you all again on Saturday.

Lawson Henry
Captain

www.the-islander.org.ac

EDITORS : Adrian O. Fowler
The New Islander Office, Fort Hayes, Georgetown, Ascension Island.
Tel/Fax 00 + 247 6327

E-Mail: editors@the-islander.org.ac

Internet Team: Richard Thomas, Laura & Mark Handley, Gavin Yon

Deadline for all contributions is 6.00pm on Monday

All articles © copyright 2000 The Islander Newspaper. All rights reserved.

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