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The Islander - Thursday 4th October 2001


Wake Up Call

THE CITIZEN
ST HELENA ISLAND NO 64 SEPTEMBER 2001
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The tragic events that took place in America on 11 September brought home just how vulnerable countries are, even countries as large as the United States. The small islands that make up St Helena and its Dependencies are even more vulnerable from the effects of global events and from our isolation - though perhaps the latter in the end could be our strength as a safe haven.
One of the most significant things that emerged in the aftermath of the tragedy and in the efforts to combat terrorism was the fact that the United States could immediately get support from the member states of NATO. It had a springboard for a much wider coalition. It did not start from a position of isolation. This could only happen because of the agreement signed by the member countries of NATO. In the end what counted most for the US to go forward with its action plans was not so much its military strength as having countries it could rely on based on an agreement for a sound alliance.
This has a lesson for St Helena. It is what is contained in a fundamental agreement between countries that counts. Economies can be disrupted, communications can be severed but a country or territory will survive because of a sound basic agreement in its links with another country or countries.
For us on St Helena our link is with the United Kingdom as one of its overseas territories and the basis of the agreement of our link is contained in the constitution. It is more important than any other matter, more important than the airport. What happens if say the airport does not deliver, through no fault of the planners, what it is intended? Where does the island go from there?
The Territory of St Helena is undergoing its own crises, especially with developments taking place on Ascension. The most important and immediate matter for us is to have a constitution that will give us a sound base to go forward: economically, socially, politically. The constitution is the base, the foundation on which all other developments can be built.
We need an independent constitutional lawyer to advise us about the best options. As the Commission pointed out in the last Citizen in the St Helena Herald there are three main aspects to changing the present constitution:
(a) as a Brtiish Overseas Territory there is the relationship, the link with Britain
(b) there is the link between St Helena and its Dependences of Ascension and Tristan da Cunha and
(c) there are the internal principles and laws by which St Helena and its dependencies are governed.
The people of St Helena and their elected representatives must be advised on and examine all three issues before deciding about what changes are to be made in the present constitution.
There is soon to be a visit to St Helena and Ascension by an FCO constitutional lawyer. In a previous bulletin on Ascension, the Commission brought attention to the fact that in 1999 a constitutional steering group for Ascension was set up in London. It was made up of four representatives from the FCO Overseas Territories Department, one from the Department for International Development (DFID), four from the User organisations on Ascension, and no St Helenian representative, not even the St Helena representative in the UK who is based in London.
In December last year the following motion was passed in the St Helena Legislature:
That this House requests that the St Helena Government examines in consultation with St Helena's inhabitants, various options for possible constitutional development including a relationship based on "association" with Britain, modelled on the Channel Islands and adapted to suit the unique circumstances of the territory of St Helena, with a view to suggesting alternative constitutional arrangements to the British Government.
What action has been taken to implement this motion? What consultation has been made with islanders about the different options for constitutional development?
This bulletin should be published on the 28 September. The FCO constitutional lawyer will arrive a week from then. What we do not want to happen is to bulldoze through changes in the present constitution to suit changes taking place on Ascension whereby employees will be paying to run the services.
Saints have a right under international law to determine and negotiate their relationship with Britain. Their case is now with the United Nations Human Rights Committee in Geneva. We have the right and the responsibility to provide a constitution that will take us into the new millennium that will provide a sound base for us and for future generations.


(The above was received from the Chairman of the Citizenship Commission)

 


Father Keith Writes:

PARISH CHURCH OF ST MARY THE VIRGIN. 
ASCENSION ISLAND (Diocese of St. Helena)

Parish Priest: Fr. Keith James - +247 6431
Church Warden: Mervyn Isaacs
Church Warden: Cheryl Anthony

Dear Friends,

PLEASE NOTE THAT THE FAMILY/PARADE SERVICE WHICH IS NORMALLY HELD ON THE FIRST SUNDAY OF THE MONTH WILL BE ON OCTOBER 14th AT 11.00am
THIS WEEK'S MORNING SERVICE IS HOLY EUCHARIST BEGINNING AT 10.30am

It's good to be back.

After a hectic three weeks in the rainy UK it's nice to be warm again, to see familiar faces, to be welcomed by your smiles.
Thankyou.

Thanks too to those who led worship at St Mary's while we were away.

Now it's back to work! And the first thing to be done is to prepare the Ascension Island Cycle of Prayer for the next three months.
I don't know whether many of you read it, but a copy goes to most offices etc on the Island, and there are always a few spare copies left at the back of the Church. The idea is that each week at Morning Prayer at 8.30 and also during our prayers on Sunday we remember in turn every organisation on the Island; that means that everybody on the Island is remembered before God.
People have all sorts of different ideas about prayer.
They ask "Does it really work?" "What's it supposed to do?" "Does God really listen?" and "What about when one person prays for one thing and another person prays for the opposite."
The questions are endless, and I'm still looking for the answers.
But whatever you might think of prayer it's worth doing.
Just spending a few moments each day getting your thoughts together, thinking what you are going to do and how you will do it can be prayer.
Thinking in the evening for a short while of the good things that have happened, the people you have met, and feeling calm and thankful for them can be prayer.
To do that is to sort of "wrap up your whole life" in prayer.
If all it does is make you a little more thankful, a little more tolerant, a little more caring and mindful of others it's worth it.
And even if you don't address your "prayers" to God, I'm sure he hears them.

God Bless you and keep you,

Fr Keith & Ginny.


AIR FARE CHARGES FOR PASSENGERS ON THE
RAF TRISTAR

Brize Norton to Ascension /
Ascension to Brize Norton

Advanced Purchase is the price charged when the flight is booked and paid for 28 days or more before the flight date.

Standard Economy is the price charged when the flight is booked and paid for within 28 days of the flight date.

Fare Single Return
Advanced Purchase (APEX) £362 £724
Standard Economy £585 £1170

From 1st October 2001 a new company, Andrew Weir Shipping Ltd, will take over civilian air fare bookings from Curnow Shipping Ltd.

Please note: Flights booked through Andrew Weir are still liable to pay a booking fee.

The new company can be contacted at:
Andrew Weir Shipping Ltd
Dexter House
2 Royal Mint Court
London
EC3N 4XX
(Tel. 0207 8164800 or Fax. 0207 8164803)

Any queries about flight bookings or amendments made through Andrew Weir Ltd should be directed to the company and not the RAF Movements Section.

Enquires for flights booked by the RAF Air Movements Section should be directed to
Cpl George Kerr on ext 3375.
(0830 - 1200 hrs Mon -Fri, except during aircraft movements).
Those bookings currently made by the RAF are not affected by this notice.


OVERSEAS TERRITORIES CONSULTATIVE COUNCIL

24 - 26 SEPTEMBER 2001

Agenda Item
`EDUCATION & TRAINING'

Presented by Hon Eric Walter George, MBE
Delegate for St Helena


1 Introduction

St Helena is situated 15 degrees south and 5 degrees west and is off the main shipping route from UK to Cape Town. It has a population of less than 5000. The island is mainly dependent on aid funds to supplement its annual budget and capital expenditure projects. These infrastructure projects are subject to full cost recovery on completion together with an element of replacement costs over the period of its life. An ageing population coupled with increasing outward migration and high levels of offshore employment are causing a great deal of concern, especially in key services. As the tax base gets lower more people are leaving the island in search of an improved way of live. These include key staffs, which create a threat to both the Education and Health services leaving huge gaps and a risk the island can ill afford. To try and address the problem Departments are forced to recruit qualified staff from outside at considerable expense. Monies, which it could be argued, would be better spent on the retention and development of local staff, assisted by easier and cheaper access to training opportunities abroad.

2. Education

Education is fundamental to the successful development of St Helena as a self-sustaining island community. The main resource is its people, and unless this resource is developed fully then the future economy and development of St Helena will be threatened. To this end the Education Department seeks to raise educational standards and achievements amongst the school age population; to develop vocational and industrial training and encourage community education; to enhance standards of literacy and develop Public Library provision. It involves parents and employees in the education process, and it carries its own teacher-training programme. The Department takes a proactive role in promoting social development, particularly the welfare of the island's youth. (Education Department Business Plan 2000/01 to 2003/04).

3. The Education Department's Business Plan identifies the issues facing the Department and its CPP Matrix defines key objectives and the planned activities for meeting these objectives. Key objectives for the Department include:
· the recruitment, retention and remuneration of teachers and the upgrading of teacher qualifications and expertise, curriculum development, special needs provision and the introduction of vocational and industrial training.

The Education Department is also responsible for managing the SHG/DFID. School Leavers' Scholarship Award under a Scholarship Awards Committee.

4. Teacher Recruitment and Retention

The recruitment and retention of teachers continue to be of great concern. The Department has been fortunate in attracting high calibre entrants to initial teacher training only to lose up to 47% of these within the last five years, and it continue to suffer from teacher wastage. During the last decade, there has been 87% turnover in class teachers. The situation is serious, not least because the trained supply teacher pool has been exhausted. In addition, since 1 April 2001, a further 8 teachers have resigned.

Offshore employment attracts a large proportion of those leaving the profession. The resulting rapid and unpredictable staff turnover militates against attempts to raise educational standards and places excessive workload upon those remaining, further exacerbating a very unsatisfactory situation.

The seriousness of teacher attrition was recognised by the DFID Senior Advisor in 1997 and Aid Review Mission in 1998 and 1999, and the DFID Education Monitoring Mission in October 2000. Attempts to provide solutions have been made both within the Department and by the Task Force set up by the Chief Secretary in 1998. The 1999 Public Service Review recommended a 3 year Retention Bonus for teachers and as a result of the January 2000 Aid Negotiations, this will be paid at the end of year 3 of the current aid framework (2003).

Recommendations of the Task Force which have been implemented include:

· New deputy head posts in all First and Middle Schools.
· Extra posts of responsibility at Prince Andrew School (Secondary School).
· A sabbatical scheme.
· The restoration of arrangements for teachers to ride in school buses for subsidised fares, providing there is space available and that they undertake supervisory duties whilst travelling.

5. Teacher Training

Recent initiatives in an attempt to ease the loss of young teachers has included a new policy to target "mature" candidates whilst still encouraging the young and academically able. The training programme has been modified, is competency based (ITT UK requirements) and allows those who have met the required standards to progress to newly-trained teacher status (on probation) after 4 terms instead of 6. Probationers who perform well can also qualify as locally trained teachers after 1 instead of 2 years. In addition, students with potential, commitment and the academic qualifications can be sent to the UK to undertake a B.Ed programme. This means "young" entrants to the profession can now be fully (UK) qualified teachers after 4 years of entering the teaching service. Within constrained SHG salary scales, qualified teachers receive significant promotion to high levels of remuneration.

The Education (Cheltenham) Link demonstrates the value of a close professional relationship with a UK counterpart. The Cheltenham Link is historic and its support to the St Helena Education Department has evolved over many years. It is now a DFID sponsored and on a contractual basis. The contract will soon be put to open tender. It is hoped that whoever "wins" the new contract, a key feature will be continuity of teacher training and management of the students on scholarship awards. "Cheaper" training fees would enable possibly more student placements.

6. Teacher Development

The approval of six guaranteed training places per annum under the Technical Co-operation Scheme to enable teachers to undertake overseas training is potentially a very beneficial step. Though, existing teacher shortages create problems with regard to suitable cover arrangements for those leaving, the Department capitalises on this opportunity as an incentive for quality performance and professional development.

The internet will enhance the possibility of St Helena being able to access more distance learning courses. TOR's for a new St Helena/UK Education link will incorporate greater access to distant-learning facilities. There are currently two teachers studying M.Ed/Advance Diploma modules through distance learning with tuition through the Cheltenham Link. Four other have already gained qualifications through this facility combined with taught courses through the Technical Co-operation Training Scheme.

The overseas experience in itself however, the interaction with fellow teachers/educationalists and school attachments provides invaluable personal and professional development for teachers.

7. Destination of School Leavers

There is general agreement between the Scholarship Award Committee, politicians and educationalists alike, that it would be ideal to be able to send all eligible school leavers who fulfil the criteria of the island's needs to attend college/university. This would require a significant increase in funding both from SHG and DFID, particularly DFID who pays the bigger proportion of the Award.

There are current proposals being investigated by the Education Department to enable greater student access from present levels of funding. These include training links with South African institutions and a "Whole-Island" approach to tertiary and higher education, accessing other Scholarships such as Chevening and Commonwealth Awards. Reduced student fees in the UK for St Helenian students is the other change that would make an immediate impact on training places available even under current levels of funding. e.g.

The Student Scholarship Scheme is funded by SHG and DFID and enables students completing their Yr 13 at Prince Andrew School to pursue tertiary/higher education in the UK.

The number of students awarded a scholarship depends on monies available once costs have been deducted for those already undergoing studies in the UK. An average of 2/3 students per year are awarded scholarships. Duration of courses are normally 2-3 years though there is currently 1 student on an agreed 4 year course. Due to entry qualifications required, some students undertake HND courses (2 years) with the intention of aspiring to Degree Level (3 or 4 years).

In recent times, there has been an increased number of Prince Andrew School students who have applied for scholarships under this scheme, and have the required qualifications. It has become increasingly difficult to distinguish between applicants against the Scholarship Award's Selection criteria. The limited selection mitigates against the Education Department's key issue of raising educational standards as with higher educational achievement will come higher expectations and aspirations. Meanwhile, lack of opportunities to meet such expectations act as a disincentive to do well.

In 2000, 9 applications were received, all with outstanding school records and potential for tertiary studies in the UK. Since receiving their AICE/A level results 8 were eligible. Current monies available meant 3 students would have had to be selected, as there is an on-going commitment to 4 other students who will remain in the UK to complete their courses. Following a detailed analysis of cost implications over the next 3-4 years, DFID agreed to funding up to 4 students starting this academic year.

8. A Level Studies

There is the question of A Level provision on Island as referred to in the Education Monitoring Mission 2000. Small A level groups are expensive on well-qualified teachers. Alternatives include "flexible learning" initiatives and the suggestion of students studying A Level off-shore has also been aired. There are pros and cons for this, not least cost especially at current overseas student rates.

9. Vocational Training

Vocational Training has high priority on the island, and the DFID aided project 381 gained momentum after a Deputy Head (Vocational Training) was appointed at Prince Andrew School in May 1999. Since then, a structured vocational training programme was introduced for Yr 12 & 13 students from September 2000 and the SHG Youth Training Scheme has been enhanced to ensure compatible terms and conditions throughout the Private and Public Sectors. A Vocational Training Advisory Council (VTAC) is in place, and its statutory function is being clarified. One of the VTAC''s responsibility is to be the Accreditation and Awards Body for local certification, parallel with this is the job of seeking external accreditation for local courses.


 


By the Headteacher -
Mrs Betty Joshua

SCHOOL PAGE


www.ais.co.ac/school/


Hello from TBS!

Further Education Classes
First of all we would like to say thank you to those adults who have expressed an interest in and registered for GCSE courses. Your response has been very encouraging and has enabled us to begin sessions this week. Good luck with your studies!

GCSE Results 2001
Following exam sittings earlier this year, we are pleased to publish our results and to report that, once again, our candidates have done very well, particularly in achievements in Grade C and above

 
GCSE Single Science

GCSE Design Technology

GCSE Geography
GCSE Child Development
GCSE Food & Nutrition
GCSE Mathematics
IGCSE Art & Design
IGCSE 1st Language English
IGCSE History
Grade A*
1
Grade A
1
1
1
Grade B
1
1
1
2
1
5
Grade C
1
1
2
1
1
1
2
Grade D
3
2
1
1
2
2

Grade E

1
3
Grade F
1
2
2
2
Grade G
1
Grade U
1

 

Well done to you all.

Post-16 Education
Opportunities for post-16 education have been strongly supported this year by individual and group efforts/donations, and, as a result, the Education Trust Fund is, once again, supporting one of our young eligible students abroad at sixth form college. In July of this year, Phillip Stevens, son of Lyn and Raymond Stevens of Two Boats, left Ascension to go to St. Mary Redcliffe and Temple School in Bristol in England. Phillip has begun a journey that he worked so hard to embark upon, gaining excellent results from his GCSE examination sittings and showing determination to continue in this vein for the next two years. Having started at the Bristol School early in September, Phillip is settled and enjoying student life abroad. Perhaps we'll hear directly from him, through this paper, as he progresses through his first term. We wish him well in all his undertakings.

Awards Assembly
Last Friday saw the first of our Awards Assemblies for the new academic year, which is an indication that we have been back at school for three whole weeks already! Much to our delight, we discovered that our students had not forgotten how to apply themselves after the long holiday, because there was evidence of pleasing achievements for which certificates were presented. Special awards were received by the following students:

Cody Harris - for settling in and making lots of friends in his new school; Callum John - for being sensible at all times; Chad Peters - for producing good work and staying on task; Jaylee Crowie, Ricco Williams and Richard Henry - for good effort in Maths; Danielle Anthony - for good story writing and Mark Francis for achieving a First Class pass in Word Processing. Well done, everybody!

House-points gained over the three-week period revealed the following starting positions for each of the three houses: Connelly (Green) on 29 points; Huxley (Red) on 38 points and Beale (Blue), taking the lead, on 53 points. Well done Beale House and come on Reds and Greens, you can do it, too!

Welcome and Thanks
We welcome back staff members, Tammy Yon and Angela Yon and their families, who have returned from leave in St. Helena. We extend our thanks to Laura Handley who has been teaching our new Reception class over the past three weeks in Tammy's absence. We enjoyed having you with us.

And that's it for now

 

Betty Joshua
Headteacher


Children's Corner

Happy Birthday to Daniel Andrews who is 5 on Sunday, and Kaylee Young is 10 on Tuesday!
Hi Kids! Well done to all the under 5's who entered the competition! Keep a look out in the shop to see who has won; I will let you know next week. Thanks to the judges and sponsors at the shop.
We are now into another month! October brings us Halloween, and another competition! I want you to get creative and send in some Halloween artwork! For more details about the closing date and prizes read next week's Islander!

Halloween Jokes!
What do you say to a ghost with 3 heads? Hello, hello, hello!
What did daddy ghost say to baby ghost? Fasten your sheet belt!
What kind of street does a ghost like best? A dead end!
Who does a ghoul fall in love with? His ghoul friend!
What does a goblin shop for? Grosseries!
What do you call serious rocks? Grave stones!

Pasta Skeleton craft

Glue the pasta to the black paper using white glue. Have the kids arrange the pasta on the paper before gluing (to make sure that they have room for the whole body on the piece of paper).
You can use just about any type of pasta (or dried beans) for the bones. A wagon wheel is nice for the head. Spaghetti makes good fingers and toes. Tiny tubes or dried lentils are good as vertebrae in the spine. Long tubes make collar bones. Longer tubes or long spirals make good arm and leg bones. Small shells or dried white beans are nice for the kneecaps, wrists and ankles.


See you next week! Tommy.



LETTERS

From the Editors:- Penny Peters & Marie Anthony

Hi Guys…

We're back again in the editor's chairs and doesn't time fly…..it was actually 2 weeks ago that we were last banging at the keyboards!…….this is are desperate plea for new editors to come forward and give us a hand……we thought we'd go for the sympathy vote!!!……

…..Gone are the slim issues - instead we have a 'bumper' paper for you this week!! …..lots to read about……….

To those 'Hommies in the hood' who help with last weeks paper…… it's been real !! ….well done on your first issue guys!

Happy Reading…..


 

 

 

 

Can you please say a big hello to my brother Ken Coutts, who is currently living and working on your island. He is a long way from home but all our thoughts are with him - hang in there kid!

Many thanks for that and I wish the 'Islander' well.

Kind Regards
Caroline Coutts


I was stationed in Ascension in 1983, during that tour I completed the ten letter box runs and wrote an article for the Islander. I am trying to contact the Editor of the Islander, firsylt to see if it is possible to obtain a copy of the article and secondly to trace a very good friend. Mr Nigel Henry, who provided support during my attempt. I would be grateful if you could forward my email address and if possible answer my question relating to Nigel.

Mike Hope homemj@uk.packardbell.org


 

 

 

Letters to the Editor can be sent to
editors@the-islander.org.ac

ROSES

Every rose is different
From every other rose.
Without love and patience
Nothing ever grows.
Roses grown without love
have no scent or charm;
Only tawdry colour,
Thorns to do you harm.

The earth is just an island
Spinning through the stars,
and we all shipwrecked sailors
looking through the bars
across the flood of space
Captive on the ark;
Love is like an ocean
mysterious and dark
Eva Starfish


SCAMP Diving Team

On behalf of the SCAMP Diving Team, we wish to thank the Officers and Crew on board the M/T Maersk Gannet and the people we met on the Island for your hospitality during the time we have just spent on the Ascension Island. Our Diving were carrying out routine underwater maintenance work on the "Maersk Gannet" for a period of 30 days and all our divers were very impressed with the marine life under the ship where hundreds of fish were floating almost stationary in the spring tide flowing around the island. The most impressive thing, compared to the many other places in the world where
the divers are used to working, was that the fish under the "Maersk Gannet" were all just a few meters from the divers and were not at all bothered about their pressence,possibly due to the fishing vessels passing by every day "Joke". The divers reported a majority of yellow fin tunas and jacks,
manta rays, grey and black dolphins and wahoos/barracudas. The divers also reported that they were a litte disappointed that no real sharks ever came close, only one small shark came on a fast visit one day, but the divers were obviously using the wrong aftershave so the sharks was not attracted to them!
If you want to know more about SCAMP, you are most welcome to look up our
web page www.scampnetwork.com
Photo enclosed is of diver during inspection and some local fish.
By
Paw Jakobsen
SCAMP Diving Supervisor

A diver working on the Maersk Gannet

 


The Met Office Weather Report

Statistics for the week ending {date}.

 
Max (deg C)
Min (deg C)
Rainfall (mm)
AIRHEAD
27.8
20.7
0.7
TRAVELLERS
27.5
19.0
3.1
GEORGETOWN
29.0
21.0
nil
RESIDENCY
25.4
15.4
5.6
ST. HELENA
-
-
-
FALKLANDS
14.2
-1.7
0.2
BRIZE NORTON
22.5
6.6
17.0

ASCENSION SEA SWELL FORECAST:
Mainly Southerly 0.5 - 1.0 m.

Sea temperature around Ascension Island:
24 C.

ASCENSION ISLAND:
Another largely dry week with just occasional light showers. Cloudy at times but with plenty of sunny afternoons.

ST. HELENA:
Not available at time of going to press.

UK:
It was calm and settled at first this week, staying mostly dry with foggy nights and mornings, particularly in the south and east. Heavy rain with some thunderstorms followed by the end of the week.

FALKLANDS:
Settled and mainly dry through the first half of the week with some haze and mistiness. Winds picked up by the end of the week with a little patchy drizzle and low cloud at times.

“METCHAT” ************************ “METCHAT” ************************ “METCHAT” ************************ “METCHAT” *************************

Last Friday saw an evening rock fishing session which turned into a battle of wills with a shark (not much of a battle as it turned out). Just as the fishermen were about to pack up the water came alive, they had hooked a shark. After an all too brief struggle though the shark bit through the line and they were left watching their float (an old ribena bottle) making a beeline for the open water. True to all good fishermen's stories the shark grew in the telling - it was 8 ft, 10 ft, 12 ft, it was jaws! Tom is still lamenting the loss of his hook and trying to recruit scuba divers to go and look for it. They are also still wondering what they would have done with it if they had actually caught it?

The Travellers weekend walkers had a struggle of a different kind last Saturday. Their chosen path along the south coast complete with sooty tern colony had come highly recommended by a keen met office walker and came with the assurance of only taking around 2 hours. 4 hours later they were still pounding the lava and in danger of not making it back in time for dinner. They did finally make it to the mess in time though with much groaning about aching limbs and the good Met name was mud for the rest of the evening.

There was a strange sight at travellers hill one afternoon this week of a certain policeman painting his rocks (lava that is!). After several evenings stumbling back from the pub and having the rocks outside his basha throw themselves under his feet in the dark he decided to spend an afternoon painting them white. Very therapeutic apparently and it works a treat, no more cursing and bruised feet and it makes the garden look very pretty too.

Well, 6 months are almost up for most of us here in the Met Office. Time was marked with the arrival of our new met man Tom this week who's an old hand at Ascension life, still answering to Met Office Boulmer but getting into the swing of things. This means that McNick's time has come to leave, you can tell by the big grin and the 1,000 mile stare on his face


Mystic Met.

The abusive phone calls continued this week following the Skunks defeat of the foxes on Wednesday. This time however it wasn't Postie himself, but he had the audacity to get Karen to phone for him. That's taking things to far Geordie. Anyway I hope both of you have a good trip back home, enjoy your journey home, and make the most of you visit to gods own (former) county. (shame about the Liverpool result though)

Mystic is so right when she say's it's time for McNick to get on the plane home, I actually saw him chasing a sheep down the wall outside his basha on Friday afternoon. Nick it's time for the panic tanning to cease, you need to go home.
In fact it's not just McNick who seems to have the far away look in his eyes. Both The Laird and Mystic are out of here in the next couple of weeks and it has already become obvious that the last minute partying has begun in earnest, with rumours of (attempted) jiving on the movers veranda in the small hours of Saturday, along with much singing and merriment.

The Makem

Over to you McNick.

It has now come to pass that it is my time to leave HM Open Prison Ascension Island. It has been very illuminating to find out my alleged movements from the various Metchat editors, ie Caveman, Highlander, Mystic, Laird and the Makem. Thus it is customary to write a few lines about my six month tour on Fantasy Island.
So having been through Ascension four times, it was with shock that I had to go to the arrivals lounge. I was then greeted with passport control and a new stamp on my passport. Very nice too. So who was there to greet me but the main man of the South Atlantic, Mr Green Onions. "How are you?" he said in his Yorkshire brogue, "Fine Pete". Thereafter it was into the car and off for a whistle stop tour of the island in the first few hours.
After a few hours sleep, it was off to the Maersk to party and the customary head-butt on the first night. How this happened was that as I was trying to get on the ladder, I inadvertently missed, all to


do with the swell going up and down. Later, after a few beers, I saw all the sharks that were waiting for me had I fallen.
My hand-over of five days was from Jim, a wee Scots lad, after which I was thrown into the fray, fresh faced, but falling foul of Castles.
So how am I to keep this up for 6 months? I know I thought, lets play some sport. The competition then began on how to beat me at anything and everything, particularly squash. A big mention must be had to all my squash partners: Gary, Earl, Dunny, Phil, Johnny and especially Nigel. He has tried his hardest to beat me all through this tour and came closest a couple of weeks ago. The score was 4-4; the final game saw Nigel 8-2 up. The crowd was baying for blood but when the going gets tough, the tough get going. The final result was10-8 in my favour. He has since refused to pick up a squash racket and is thinking of early retirement. Thanks Nigel, great games, but better after match beers.
Other highlights have been the infamous snooker match with Gary. The bet being that a VC tea had to purchased by the loser. So into two boats strode the 5'6" giant of a man. There was talk around the club, who is the professional snooker player. So with cue in hand, it was down to business. First game easily to me, Second I gave to Gary and the third game went all the way to the final black. The tension was gripping. Sweat was pouring from follicles I did not know existed and then it was over. Black down and Gary vowed never to bet again. (some chance of that Nick….Makem)
All the infamous walks must be mentioned, especially with the Laird and Highlander. On one particular trek, the lava looked fairly inviting, so much so that the scar wounds are still visible (but only if you look closely). We have the pictures to prove it and I had the audacity to complete the walk with a bloody and rather concussed head.
My fear of sharp needles has been allayed with my first trip to the dentist (what no haircut) for a little while. In fact, I hear from the grapevine that my teeth are now world famous and will be auctioned to the highest bidder.
So finally a special mention to all my met colleagues and friends, The Laird, Mystic, Highlander, Caveman, Makem, Green-onions, Jim and of course my replacement Tom. It has been an absolute scream. I'm now looking forward to my next tour, but then again "never" is a long time.
Nick


Hash Trash

Hash number: #872

29 Sep 01

Live Hash Hares:Yeti, The Vamp, Chief Long Pole

Hash Hounds:
Skipper, Boots, Frank n Furter, Limp
Sausage, Ivor the Engine, Thunder Thighs,
Crystal Tips, Beany Baby, Mama 3 Bones,
Rat Boy, Rug Rat, Rusty Head, Barley
Buckeye, Long Come, Wet Spot, Fruit Bat,
Steve, Paul

Just another Saturday afternoon and the usual gathering of merry people ready to follow a pre-laid trail of white stuff, except there was something missing - the hares. Eventually they showed, sighs of relief were heard. Yeti gave the brief and welcomed the virgins. On On. The hunt began and hunt it was. The well-disguised trail had all eyes peeled. Yeti and Chief Long Pole were convincing everyone the only way is on. Through a valley which spoke strong evidence of the high water flows which must have occurred many, many moons ago. Rock hopping was the theme of the trail caution was crucial. Even Frank n Furter was slowed. This gave the pack a good chance for a natter in the knitting circle. Mumbling was over heard from certain voices that Long Come suffered the night before. Is this the reason for inflicting down, downs on everyone else? A steep climb down into a dry riverbed leading out of North East Bay spaced out the pack. Chief Long Pole making good use of the echoing acoustics, Yee haa. Limp Sausage suffered a well timed clothesline, sorry. It was a good long hash and Ivors cogs were starting to creak. A good climb up the creek revealed the home arrow and the dash for the refreshments began. Back at the cars very tasty munchies were consumed with

some excellent green stuff. Great hash to Yeti, Chief Long Pole and The Vamp.

Next Week:: Ivor the Engine and Hong Kong Phooey
Goat Hole Turn Off on North East Bay Road - Close to Ariane Station
(Just follow the road to North East Bay)

Rat Boy - Hash Scribe

...

 

Golf News
With SANDBAGGER

As reported last week, there was no competition schedule for the alst weekend at One Boat Golf Club. On Sunday 7th October there will be a monthly medal, please sign list on Club Notice Board. This will be your last opportunity to sign up for this year's Open.

The list for the Open and the meal for the Finals of the Championship will close on Sunday 7th October and the draw fro the Qualifying round will take place that day.

Lawson Henry

Captain



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