Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash No: 1305
Submitted by The Islander (Shari Parkhill) 29.04.2010 (Article Archived on 13.05.2010)

It was a strange crowd gathered at the Two Boats Playground on Saturday afternoon, on closer observation one noticed the ladies were rather tall, muscular and …

Hash No: 1305

Hare:  Petal Spice

Hounds:  Joyce, Wobbly bits, Over ‘n’ done with, Mildew, 100 watt, Old Golly Waddler, Little Miss Mardy Pants, Little Chuffer, Nip ,n, suck, Lanky, Hash Howler, Goat Chaser, Menoporche, Whisky chaser, Little Whisky Chaser, Messy Queen, Man Beater, Baggage Boy, Uncle Fester, Pussy Foot, Smoked Eel Gobbler, Daddy’s Dough balls, Gliterous, Dipstick, Marlene, Threesome Sounds Good,  Argh Stop It.

Apres:  Headmistress, Wood‘n’Pecker, Mucky Princess, Mucky Digger, Jack Russell, Pinky Boo

It was a strange crowd gathered at the Two Boats Playground on Saturday afternoon, on closer observation one noticed the ladies were rather tall, muscular and … many of them weren’t ladies at all.  This week was the ‘Red Dress Hash.’  Though many Hash groups have their Red Dress event as an annual fundraiser, this is the first on island since 2004.  Some ‘ladies’ were boasting that they still fit the same dress they’d worn back then, others turned up in their nightwear!

Petal Spice  gave the warnings and gave all the clues, telling the hounds where they’d be heading!  Sister’s Peak.  The only thing to watch out for was the prickly pear on the last leg to the road, I can’t remember (her) exact wording but it wasn’t very ladylike.  Photocalls and skirts hitched the ‘on-on’ was down North East Road and  preparing for the up!  Up! And up!  The FRB’s didn’t get far before the first circle check.  At the second check, a convenient waiting post for those afraid of heights, wind, bad knees or short leg syndrome.  Wobbly Bits found a comfortable rock and decided to give directions from there.  Petal Spice needed a quick change of footware (white stilettos of course) in order to conquer the summit.

On the summit the book was handed around, hands and hats stamped, photos taken and prepare for the descent back down to Wobbly Bit’s rock.  The scree was just too appealing for some and once they set off there was no turning back.  Uncle Fester assured it would only be a 15 minute detour around to Perfect Crater to meet the other WATs.  However, once boots and stilettos were emptied, the hornitos and coal chute were pulling some hashers further away from the trail.  A trio attempted to return via perfect crater and slide up scree runs, over more rocks to rejoin the trail.

Hash followed fissures, tracks, rocks  around butt crater, on occasion the path looked wide and smooth but only until the next corner.  If clinker hopping should ever become an official sport the Ascension Hashers would take the gold!  And those last few prickles did claim a few legs.

Meanwhile on the road from English Bay, the hounds were heading home, Menoporche realised he was the only he wearing a skirt in the little group he was walking with, he received many funny looks but wasn’t offered a lift until land rovers were despatched.

On returning the hash business, curries and beer was flowing.  Petal Spice had said good bye to the white stilettos.  A circle of friendship was drawn.  On calling the King family into the circle individually or together, Mr K thought ‘a threesome sounded good’ – named!  I think Mrs K had been watching ‘Only fools’ and thinks she is the ‘Marlene’ of the island.  Bethany doesn’t like pink and gets called Boo by the family while Rhiannon is heard crying ‘Arrgh, stop it’.  We forgot to warn Marlene that the water was cold and wet.  There are still Hash Bash T shirts available, £9 adults, please contact Old Golly Waddler if you want one.

Thanks Petal Spice for a memorable hash and for being part of the Hashing community on Asi.  Enjoy your time in St Helena and the on-onward journey – where ever it takes you!

Next Week:  Bullocks Pond Car park

Hares:            Man Beater and Baggage Boy