Ascension : Hash Trash
Submitted by The Islander (Gavin Yon) 23.08.2007 (Article Archived on 06.09.2007)

A good crowd gathered at the Comfortless Cove car park, although not comforted by the sight of a bus up by the Radar driveway.

Hash No:  

Hares:  The Major & Chief Longpole

Hounds:  Bloodsucker, Chief Pimp, Half Hash (aka Bogs’n’Drains), Uncle Fester, Mike, Milk Me Mickey, Pussy Galore No More, Wahoo’s Your Daddy, Easy Rider, Fugitive, Kerb Krawler, Two Cocks, Wild Oats, Yeti, Wild Bill Cock, I’m Easy, Spice Steve, The Flying Scotsman, Mildew, 100 Watt, Ariel, Wee Scottish Lassie, Goldilocks, Street Corner Lorna, Fish Artist, Andy, Pond Scum,  Uncle Transvestite (UTV), Ananda, Ramsden, Sharon, Bosses Toy Girl, Larry Flynt

Apres Hashers:  Itchy Ring, Andrew, Nip’n’Suck, Madam Mardy Pants, Little Chuffer

A good crowd gathered at the Comfortless Cove car park, although not comforted by the sight of a bus up by the Radar driveway.  Rumours were circulating that it was only for the runners, which comforted the walkers and talkers for sure!  The hazards were stated as “the obvious”…… rocks and slippery slopes. 

At that, the runners were off up the road, indeed on their way to the bus.  It seems they were transported to the Lizard, and there started their run back to the Cove.  Apparently a couple of young guys set a rather grueling pace, and Uncle Fester and Yeti fell back behind the others after a while. 

For the walkers and talkers, it was up to the graveyard and the first circle check.  Then on up to the top of the rise, and a rather leisurely walk along the tracks, including a stop at the old bunker for a history lesson.  I’m Easy spent her rest time stomping on cans and burying them!  Soon after that it was on towards the shoreline with the warning of a tricky scree slope ringing in our ears.  A few of the gentlemen were truly that and assisted the ladies and little ones down.  The Major did a little redecorating on the way down as well.  As the ground beneath us started to crumble away, we weren’t helped by the FRBs, who having caught up, did their usual thunderous descent, passing all those of us gingerly picking our way down!!

At the bottom of the scree slope it was time for a bit of boulder hopping.  Next a rather steep rise faced us.  Goldilocks was determined to make the path easier by others by removing a number of rocks she deemed to be in way of others!!  Seems she had taken a lesson from the Major!  Eventually we all made it back to the top of the cliff and then the only difficult bit was another slippery slope down to the graveyard.  After that it was on to the beach where most of the FRBs were already in the water, putting in their orders for shippies!! 

They were joined by some of the slower folks and we were entertained by a few of the chaps performing dive stunts off of the rocks.  Some earned rather good scores of 7.5 and 9, although one bellyflop only rated a 2!!

Back at the parking lot, great munchies were being devoured by the hungry pack.  Then it was time to get to the Circle of Friendship.  After proving to be rather slippery characters for way too long, Jacqui and Bobby were finally cornered and each took their turn in the circle.  It seems Bobby is noted for helping his nieces with their coiffures and this earned him the moniker Uncle Transvestite!  Jacqui was named Itchy Ring, something to do with an allergic reaction to her wedding ring!!  Next it was John’s turn and thanks to his reputation as a photographer earned the dubious name of Larry Flynt.  The Brits were told to google the name to see why!!

Another ceremony had to be observed as well.  Since it was Half Hash’s (the hasher formerly known as Bogs & Drains) and Chief Pimp’s last hash there had to be a boot burning ceremony.  Good luck in your future postings….hopefully you’ll find hash groups in your travels!!  It’s been great having you and your families as part of our group. You’ll all be missed.

As people dried off, and warded off the chill, the party continued.  Of course, someone (in this case I’m Easy) had to try to take the non-existent shortcut out of the carpark, and was thoroughly teased while on her way back past everyone!!

A great hash, Major and Chief Longpole.  A good run for the FRBs, and a nice amble for the rest of us, which was greatly appreciated by those who hadn’t been hashing in a while!!!

Next Week:  Bear’s Back
Hares:  Wild Bill Cock & Uncle Fester
Please bring a tray of eats!!