Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash No. 1117
Submitted by The Islander (Gary Robinson) 10.08.2006 (Article Archived on 31.08.2006)

The hounds gathered around the Met Office waiting to get the weather report, so they could file their flight plans for the Hash.

Hares: Mr. Potato Head and Chastity Belt

Hounds: Forrest Gump, Wild Bill Cock, Chief Pimp, Wallace, Barby-Boy, Twiddle Dumb, Twiddle Dumber, Red Light Queen, I’m Easy, Mildew, Easy Rider, Oh That Woman, BOB, Glitoris, Voodoo Doll, Uncle Fester, Fugitive, Donald Campbell and Bev Gill

Apres: Kim, Danny, Ollie and Yeti

The hounds gathered around the Met Office waiting to get the weather report, so they could file their flight plans for the Hash.  The weather was clear in all directions so who knew our true flight plan except for Mr. Potato Head and Chastity Belt.  Chastity Belt had to open up the Comsec office to get the secret envelope with the codes for the hash; would it be up-up or on-on.  After Mr. Potato Head gave the weather report Chastity Belt exclaimed that the on-on was across the road in the direction of Mars Bay.

The weather was clear and we had the codes now, we thought, and all we had to do was follow the little white dots on the ground.  Were they really dots or were they a special code that Chastity Belt and Mr. Potato Head devised for our trip.  The FRB’s were streaking out ahead of the hounds thinking they had figured out the code, but soon the hounds would catch up at the next circle check.

At the first circle check, Chastity Belt and Mr. Potato Head broke out the secret envelope to decipher the code.  They exclaimed that we had a new mission, the FRB’s would split off to make a diversion and go up-up South Gannet Hill, and the hounds would head across the lava field toward the abandoned derelicts.  Fugitive went up-up faster than the rest of the FRB’s and got to the next code, but he didn’t want to reveal its meaning until the rest of the FRB’s could arrive to confirm it.  The code was confirmed and the FRB’s were going in the wrong direction.  The only way back was down-down.  There was hesitation with the FRB’s, do they take the easy route or take a risk for the mission and head down-down.  Wild Bill Cock, with a war cry, led the FRB’s down the steep and treacherous decent.  Fugitive not to be out done by WBC plotted his own route.  The hounds saw the steep decent of the FRB’s and yelled out, you can make it.

Soon the hounds and FRB’s were back together again and Mr. Potato Head and Chastity Belt deciphered the next code and we were off to the edge of the Wide Awake nesting area.  We found quickly why they call the birds Wide Awake’s, because we were soon sniffing the bird poop that was keeping us wide awake for our mission.  We carefully made our way and watched as the Wide Awakes protected their area.

Now that the mission was half over we headed back in the direction of the Air Field staying close to the coast so we wouldn’t reveal our position.  As the FRB’s streaked out ahead to scope out the route, the hounds plodded along making sure they stayed on the trail.  As we went along I’m Easy revealed to Forrest Gump some of the secrets, about the Wide Awake mission here on the Island and we could see out of the corner of our eye that Red Light Queen, Twiddle Dumb and Twiddle Dumber were chatting quietly and trying to hear I’m Easy as she shared the secret info with Forrest Gump. 

Finally, with direction from Mr. Potato Head and Chastity Belt, we plotted the last leg of our mission making a flaking movement to get back to the Air Field.  Mr. Potato head yelled out to go up-up and take out the firing position that lay ahead.  Chief Pimp, Wallace, Forrest Gump and Donald took out the firing position in a flash.  Mission complete, we could see our destination ahead and it was time to break out the rations after our long mission. 

Midew barked out that there was Hash business at hand.  It is time to say goodbye to Mr. Potato Head because he is off on another mission.  He will join up with his team in the UK and head off to a cold remote outpost for another secret mission.  We will miss him and his team.  Next, is the promotion of Twiddle Dumber, one of the hounds on our mission.  He has just turned 16 and everyone joined in, in a round of Happy Birthday for our fellow hound.  Mildew barked out that we could stand at ease and finish our R&R. 

Everyone broke out their MRE’s and proceeded to chow down.  Forrest Gump and Mr. Potato head placed the worn and tattered Hash Boots in the Fag bin and readied them for their final resting place.  The boots were lit and preceded to burn; as the boots burned Mildew, I’m Easy, Voodoo Doll and Oh That Woman began to scream that the smelly stinky smoke was getting in their eyes.  Wild Bill Cock exclaimed there were two things he hated most, the smell of burning rubber and the sound of a screaming woman.   Mr. Potato head filled an empty bin with water and doused the stinky fire.

Well, the party lasted awhile longer with Fugitive and Barby-Boy trading war stories. Then Yeti showed up riding his newly restored Yak and not to be out done by Fugitive and Barby-Boy he added his war stories of treacherous missions.  Great Hash!  and job well done Mr. Potato Head and Chastity Belt, you deciphered the codes and got us back safely.

Next Week: Pete Gillies House, Two Boats # A3 

Hares: Fugitive, Uncle Fester, Voodoo Doll and Glitoris