Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash No: 1419
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 19.07.2012 (Article Archived on 09.08.2012)

Hashers needed a little direction to find the starting point this week. Four wheel drive access only, no government owned car would make it to the track to the Firing Range on the North East Bay Road.

Hare: Wood ‘n’ Pecker

Hounds: Over ‘n’ Done With, The Last Turtle Head of Doom, Dipstick, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Treckie, Soggy Boozer, Boozy Head, Old Golly Waddler, Mucky Digger, Mucky

Princess, Tom Thumb, Bladerunner, Gumpy Two Scoops, No Brakes Dusty Queen

and Missing Piece.

Bus Driver:  laughing Hyena

Apres:   Soggy Boulders and Just Crabs

Hashers needed a little direction to find the starting point this week.  Four wheel drive access only, no government owned car would make it to the track to the Firing Range on the North East Bay Road.  Therefore hashers were ferried down the road to the starting point.  The wood pile had been brought earlier in the week and the kegs during the afternoon.   Bladerunner surprised us all when he pulled up in his low slung pride and joy. 

A circle was called and all assembled for the briefing.  Wood ‘n’ Pecker had already put some people off the trail.  Missing Piece decided she would like the company of the little people for the next hour or so.  The list was endless, pulling together every hazard Wood ‘n’ Pecker has ever met in his lengthy hash setting experiences.  Thorns, cactus, grass and branches, loose, hidden,  hollow and bubble rocks, hill, slope, scree and cliff, holes, caves, ladders and loose ropes 5 circle checks, zig zags and meandering hash, but did he mention the treat of darkness?  Would we complete this hash before sundown?

On-on across the lava field heading for perfect crater.  Old Golly Waddler and Missing Piece ran for their vehicle and set off back along the track - escape– they’d all meet up at a later circle check.

Avoiding perfect crater, Tom Thumb went ahead thinking it was a day for perfect crater but it wasn’t to be.  There was a stilled hush as others thought it would be a difficult ascent of Sister’s today.  No, the hash took them behind the crater, so off they went with a sombre atmosphere following the leaders, wondering where the route was going to take them.  Old hash and new mingled, the younger boys were given strict instructions to study their hash before following the wrong trail.  Under the Sister’s shadow to the second circle check.  Resting just long enough for Bladerunner to blast his vuvuzela.    It’s so remote here, no one would hear.  Along the newer larva fields, uneven underfoot the beer kegs were getting further back with no clue of a turning place (nor any idea where the little people had gone). 

Sheep tracks along the edge of Sister’s Peak give great isolated panoramic, some stopped to catch breath while others used taking photos as an excuse for a break.  The scree slopes sorted the cruisers from the bum riders.  No Brakes slid down on her bottom, while Gumpy Two Scoops was a cool runner behind – until he fell- almost on top of her!    Thanks to Dipstick, the moment was caught on video too (note to Gumpy - If you want to hold onto your dignity, it may cost a few beers)!  No Brakes left her dignity behind on the scree slopes with the seat of her pants and quite a bit of flesh.  Completing the hash with her cardi tied around her waist.  Soggy Boulders had a giggle, she learnt the embarrassing way that it is advisable to wear matching pants and shorts on a hash!

On –on the hash took them up to the entrance to Bat Cave, without hesitation, Wood ‘n’ Pecker descended into the hole.  For those who have never found this hornito, there is a ladder descending into the centre of the island.  This wouldn’t be a problem but there is a person sized gap between the top of the ladder and the top of the hole and only a rope to hold on to.  No fear, for the next half hour the ladder swallowed hashers by the dozen.  Eventually Old Golly Waddler and the kids met up at the cave, fulfilling Mucky Princess’s promise that she could at last explore the cave.  The youngest pot holler was 6, the oldest in their 60’s!  Well done to all.  Bladerunner couldn’t wait for all the traffic on the ladder, he found a hard hat at the bottom of his rucksack and climbed out of the second hornito, setting the example for Idle Treckie and his family.  Book signed, stamps on T shirts cheeks and other exposed flesh.  All extracted and heads accounted for.  The sun was low and it was time to go.  On on towards  English Bay.  With only about 15 minutes of day light left, the runners were off.  TLTHO Doom, taking his habitual position at the rear.  No time for a coal chute – emptying the Klinka from shoes would take valuable minutes and there weren’t many of them left.  Keeping the group together, rounding up the stragglers eventually they made it to the bus.  Poor laughing Hyhena, had read her book, finished the knitting and was thinking about a game of skittles when hashers began to appear over the camel hump!  Thanks so much, we owe you one! 

Then, the route back to the firing range, a quick ‘lady stop’ at Two Boats Club.  Some boys admitted they don’t need such conveniences.   The ladies were left to get the fire started while the others were transported along the track.  Not a girl guide among us but a few smokers who can get a light when they need one.  When the others arrived the fire was blazing, the ice was melting but the beer was cool.  Rather a file of hash business  to attend to. First a naming, Sharon has been visiting Ascension on training exercises since 2007 and first hashed from the Gillies’s home.  She has many ‘relationship commitments’ on island but ‘don’t tell my husband’ wasn’t an option.   Her love of jigsaws and training exercises have made her the ‘Missing Piece.  Sharon wasn’t aware of the Ascension naming tradition but we were kind, there was a big roaring fire to stand by and dry off.  Two hashy birthdays to sing for Bus Driver and Idle Treckie.  Poor Idle one, he couldn’t drink his Mountain Dew fast enough, needs more practise!  TOTHO doom complemented Wood ‘n’ Pecker on his terrible time as Hash Master, he makes Bladerunner look good (joke).  But the gang also admitted, this was one of the best hashes he has set!

Then the saddest bit of hash business.  Boot burning.  I write this hitting wrong keys, deleting sentences and gazing out of the window.  For us, hashing has been quite a highlight of our time on Ascension since we first hit the paper trail in 2007. We have set over 50 hashes in our time!   As a family we have hashed round, over, under and through so many corners and peaks of this fabulous place.  We have the scars to prove it!  Not just on our knees, elbows and bottoms but in our hearts. Thanks to all for the hash plaque, but most of all for the paths travelled and explored together.  To all hashers, here and elsewhere across the world; for the last time – On-on!  From Old Golly Waddler!

OGW

Next Week:  Warpath trail on Green mountain  4.30

Hares:  Bladerunner and TLTHO Doom

Everyone Welcome