Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash 1408
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 26.04.2012 (Article Archived on 10.05.2012)

At the top of the bends on the NASA road, vehicles were safely parked between the thorns eagerly awaiting this week’s exercise.

Hash No: 1408

Hares:  Bloodsucker and The Last Turtle Head of Doom

Hounds:  Old Golly Waddler,  Soggy Boulders, Over ‘n’ Done With, Sniffy,

Bladerunner, Just Crabs,  Spectacular Erection,  Erection Inspector,

Slippery Fingers, Chilli Dog Longhorn, Rainbow Runner, Don and Niels.

At the top of the bends on the NASA road, vehicles were safely parked between the thorns eagerly awaiting this week’s exercise.  No children.  Word had circulated that this week was rather a toughie underfoot.  Bloodsucker wore the scars from trying to clear and cut back some of the growth earlier that day.

Bloodsucker soon took charge outlining the hazards; loose rocks, scree, steep slopes, large drops, thorns and cactus.  There were five circle checks and a run provided at the end for those who still needed to stretch their legs.  There was no hash at the beginning so we were advised to follow the leader, look out and closely follow hash at all times to avoid (literally) falling off the track.  Every element a keen hasher dreams of, on-on!

Following a sheep track through the rocks along a ridge heading into the central valleys, soon we found that area of  hashlessness.  Not sure which leader to follow, some remained on higher ground, others trusted Bloodsucker and followed her down the incline.  No one quite trusted Bladerunner, knowing he likes to conquer more peaks than everyone else.  The Asi bumshuffle was the only way to descend the ridge maintaining respect, even slippery fingers found it a little too greasy.

First circle check and tea break didn’t give too long to calm the nerves.  Well there would be no regaining that slope, so onward was the obvious option.  TLTHOD and Bloodsucker had cleared tunnels and routes through the thorn where there were apparently once tracks and paths.  Cairns of obsidian marked that someone had formerly passed through these valleys. 

At the third circle check, hashers began to plan their way out.  Would it be down towards the Obsidian trail and then onto the road or up onto Middleton’s path and round the top of the hill?  Which route would be the simpler option?  The on on pointed to an area hardly even considered passable but the faithful followed the hash and found a meandering trail between and over rocks.  Blasts of vuvuzela loosened any stable rocks or threw unsuspecting people off balance.  Calls of ‘below’ sounded as rocks rolled down.  Over ‘n’ Done with always ensures she goes first and gets out of the way in these situations now. 

The next circle check gave chance for photos on the line of jagged rocks.  Chilli Dog Longhorn and Soggy Boulders took their turns climbing onto a ferny seat for photos.  Niels had to climb higher and better threatening to plank it.  Bladerunner and that vuvuzela could have made him wobble and fall.  One day Bladerunner may be found with his instrument tangled…and the island will be a quieter place!  No time for games,  on-on was beckoning and Bloodsucker kept her eye on the level of the sun. 

The fifth circle check, it was revealed there may have been an error in the reckoning of circle checks, this was the check with zombie rabbits and we were not yet near the end.  TLTHOD would answer for this error later.  The erection couple, managing without water had worked up quite a thirst and vowed to be first back to the kegs.

Wearily, hashers climbed onto rock edges, eager for the sight of white railings on the roadside.  The next circle check gave a clear view of Wolf’s Bluff, even the windsock could be seen glinting in the light.  At last, the arrow pointed home.   The runners missed their opportunity to run, walking and talking like those at the back of the group up the road.  No FRBs on this hash! 

At the kegs, the hashmaster and the spiritual advisor began to plot the business of the meeting.  All were called to fill glasses for Roger’s naming.  Roger’s pockets jangled with rocks as he made his way into the centre of the circle of friendship.  His daughter had filled us in with great detail of Roger’s interests, briefly running and fishing.  He was wearing his daughter’s bright coloured socks so became ‘Rainbow Runner’.  Don looked on bemused and made a mental note to bring a raincoat next week. 

The spiritual advisor took control reading the final published list of official legal and  international Hash House Harrier  rules.  These cardinal sins included  many terms of abusing hash,  appropriate attire, hogging the chips but no mention of hands on hips (hooray)!  Those who had broken the rules this week were TLTHOD (five? Circle checks)  and Rainbow Runner (wearing girl’s clothing).  They were called to sit upon the kegs and could not be removed until they had been sung to and finished their drinks.   Spectacular Erection and Erection Inspector had no need to burn their boots or socks because they’ll be returning to wind up their windmills in the near future.  Rainbow Runner will also be planning a return visit.

Thanks to Bloodsucker and TLTHOD for a great hash over ground less hashed.  They certainly know the lesser  frequented areas of their island.

Next week:  The US windturbines          4.30pm                                                                                                                                     

Hares: Bladerunner

Bring a plate of eats      

OGW