Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash No: 1317
Submitted by The Islander (Shari Parkhill) 22.07.2010 (Article Archived on 05.08.2010)

The hashers gathered at the generator hut on the Northeast Bay Road for another marathon hash, we were sure, considering the last one these two hares set.

Hash No: 1317

Hares:  Baggage Boy & Man Beater

The hashers gathered at the generator hut on the Northeast Bay Road for another marathon hash, we were sure, considering the last one these two hares set.  Not much in the way of hazard warnings, other than the usual Mexican Thorn, cactus, loose rocks, steep downs, long ups…..and oh yeah, “tall” people should watch out for low branches!  The directions got a little confusing for some, especially Headmistress, who was reassured that it would all be clear along the way.  First mistake……

The on-on sent the hounds heading off behind the hut, into the distance and the Portuguese Road….somewhere in that direction at least.  Easy uphill climbing at the beginning, then it got a little steeper, then the first circle check.  On-on to the next, and there was the steep drop we’d been warned about.  It was a bit of a slide in places, especially for a new Ascension hasher Shoe Slut, who had only worn trainers.  Billy Graham was quite the gentleman and gave a helping hand!  The two of them, along with recently recovered Headmistress started to fall farther and farther behind the pack.

The warning for tall people to watch for branches had obviously been lost on Bloodsucker, short thing that she is.  Funny thing was, she was tall enough to find a particularly nasty branch and got clobbered in the head!  Maybe it knocked some sense into her!

At the bottom of the steep decline, in true Ascension fashion, was a steeper uphill climb.  Up and up and up some more.  Hash Howler had a bit of a wipeout (or two) but bravely soldiered on.  Actually, he did an admirable job of dragging Menoporsche who might have still been suffering a few ill effects from the night before! Eventually, another circle check was reached, and a few comments about the last time we were in the area were made.  The climb that time made this one look like a walk in the park.  Right, Whatever Minga??

By this time, the slowest threesome had gone missing, and it was presumed that they had turned back.  Second mistake…….

Down into another gully, following a wash, and finally we reached the Portugese Road.  A steep walk down it, with more people slipping now than on the rougher bits!  Not too far along, a side arrow beckoned the runners and off they disappeared over the steep embankment.  The rest of the WATs continued on, most even missing the last circle check. 

Apparently, at this missed spot, the hounds were to head overland, on a shortcut back to the start.  Maybe the tired hounds just turned a blind eye to the hash, preferring an easy walk back on the road!  All made it back safely…… or so we thought, until it was noticed that Headmistress, Shoe Slut and Billy Graham were nowhere in sight. 

A search party was organized, and had just headed off when the tired trio was spotted coming back along the road.  Seems that they just kept going, albeit rather slowly!  Good thing there was plenty of hash laid.  Oh well, all’s well that ends well!

Sandwiches, soup and other goodies were tucked into, while a fire was started for the shoe burning ceremony.  The Tobin family is leaving us to move on to Malaysia.  Hopefully they will find a hash group there and have many more hash adventures.  Four sets of boots were tossed into the fire in unison by Poker Face, Pole Dancer, Morganosaurus and Whatever Minga.  After a brief dampening of the flames (Morganosaurus admitted it was a result of his sweaty boots!), the fire started consuming the many boots, and the hounds had to hastily retreat from the toxic smoke!

Thanks to Baggage Boy and Man Beater for a great hash.  Best of luck to the Tobins!!  Thanks for being a part of the hash group during your time on Ascension!

Next Week:  Red Lion

Hare:  Mucky Princess