Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash No: 1316
Submitted by The Islander (Shari Parkhill) 15.07.2010 (Article Archived on 29.07.2010)

Well, this week’s hash was a rehash of last week’s – with a bit of a twist, or a climb!!

Hash No:  1316

Hares:  Bloodsucker, Drop’em Blossom & Gene

Hounds:  Menoporsche, Mildew, 100 Watt, Gumby-Two Scoops, Slow-Mo, Walt, Paul, Lynda, Baggage Boy, Man Beater, Honey Dunker, Monica, Lanky, Little Chuffer, Whatever Minga, Poker Face, Pole Dancer, Morganosaurus, Headmistress, Wood’n’Pecker, Messy Queen, Goat Chaser

Apres Hashers:  Nip’n’Suck, Madam Mardy Pants, Ole Gollywaddler, Mucky Digger, Mucky Princess, Lady Go Diver, Hash Howler, Pussy Galore No More, Booby Bonkers, Major Fokker, Comes Every Three Years

Well, this week’s hash was a rehash of last week’s – with a bit of a twist, or a climb!!  The crowd gathered at the Barracks 13 Patio.  There were a lot of new faces this week, along with some sneaky visitors, but more about that later!

Not too much in the way of hazards mentioned, except that the hash might have gone missing in the few hours before due to some big diggers!  And the fact that some of the hash might have blown away since last week!  The dust was apparently forgotten by the hares!

On-on it was down the Queen’s Highway, along the fence line and off behind Red Hill.  I’m sure a collective sigh of relief was heard when no hash led up the track!  The FRBs had been given instructions on where the first circle check was, but with the usual hash confusion, they were seen making a turn that hadn’t been included.  Shouts and Mildew’s piercing whistles didn’t get their attention, and soon Gumby-Two Scoops was off after them.  The WATs made it to the circle check about the time the FRBs were herded back.  

After this, the dusty part of the hash began.  A bit further along the road, a turn signal indicated that we were heading up.  Again, a bit of confusion was encountered as the FRBs missed a circle check, and a back arrow.  Thanks to the Aztec fellows, virgin hash territory was encountered as we zig-zagged back and forth on our way up to the new trail they’ve bulldozed out of the back of the mountain!  The dust was ferocious as the strong winds gusted down the side of the mountain.  No need to exfoliate that evening!

After following the top track for a while, it all got a bit confusing.  As mentioned, the bulldozer was seen working up there right after the trail was laid, and it did a good job of obliterating the hash in some places.  Let’s see now; hash has disappeared on various occasions thanks to donkeys eating it, wind blowing it away, rain washing it away, Lephrechauns hiding it, and now, a bulldozer burying it!!  Ascension does present its challenges to the hashers!

Despite the rerouted roads, and lack of hash, everyone made it down safely and to the next circle check.  From here it was down through the gulley, dodging the usual Mexican Thorn tree, and back to the Queen’s Highway.  Again the FRBs tried to write more into the instructions, and a couple were seen heading along the fence line to the power house (obviously they missed the home arrow!)!  Everyone eventually headed along the pipeline, or sauntered down the road, downhill all the way to refreshments and food! 

Delicious food appeared quickly, and folks barely had time for a taste before it was down to hash business.  First up was the Major, Ingrid, whose German heritage and AF career earned her the name of Major Fokker!  Next it was Laura.  It seems that Laura has managed to visit Ascension every three years for quite a while, finishing five hashes along the way, all without ever getting named.  She didn’t slip away this year, and thanks to the timing of her visits, will know be forever known in hashdom as Comes Every Three Years!!  Welcome to the Ascension Hash House Harriers, ladies!

The evening continued with loads of strange conversations and entertainment.  Wood’n’Pecker was spotted doing his Spiderman impression, and climbing around the walls of the patio building.  Ole Gollywaddler was overheard telling him to be careful because he didn’t have the physique, the muscles or the fingers he used to have!! 

It’s obvious that when too many military and ex-military folks congregate, the reminiscing will begin, and the strangest stories will be told.  All we can tell you is that they included such topics as burning pianos, cabbage rugby, riding motorcycles through the mess, an inflatable Santa falling from  helicopter, and many more bizarre tales!! 

Thanks to the Aztec bulldozer drivers for providing us with great new hash territory, and a bit of a challenge!!  A dusty time was had by all!

Next Week:  North East Bay Road Generator Hut (across from Firing Range track)

Hares:  Baggage Boy & Man Beater (maybe the Fearless Foursome had better pack lunches!)