Ascension : Hash Trash - Ron's Last Hash On Ascension
Submitted by The Islander (Shari Parkhill) 15.04.2010 (Article Archived on 29.04.2010)

A large group gathered at the VT Mess parking area to celebrate the Major’s last hash. Sorry for any confusion over the location – late plan changes!!

 
A toast to the Cavaliers
we'll miss you Major!!!!

Hash: 1303 (I think!)

Hares:  Uncle Fester & Bloodsucker

Hounds (Hashers & Apres Hashers):  Major, Wood’n’Pecker, Tricia, Pussy Foot, Moaning Angel, Dive 4 Cox, Donny, Lab Rat, Madam Balls Up, Not Quite a Jar Head, Petal Spice, Fleur des Isles, Chief Bald Eagle, Tiny Terror, Lady-Go-Diver, Menoporsche, Goat Chaser, Hash Howler, Mildew, 100 Watt, John, Caron, Rhiannon, Winy Chopper, Wee Chopper, Daddy’s Dough Balls, Smoked Eel Gobbler, Mucky Digger, Mucky Princess, Old Gollywaddler,  Spectacular Erection, Erection Inspector, Chacko, Mathew, Unstable Rider, Boy Racer, Shark Tail, Baby Mohawk, Morganosaurus, Over and Done With, Premature Launcher, Dipstick, Gumby-Two Scoops, Poker Face, Pole Dancer (if I’ve missed anyone – sorry!), and folks from VTG

A large group gathered at the VT Mess parking area to celebrate the Major’s last hash.  Sorry for any confusion over the location – late plan changes!!  The hares had quite a number of warnings – Uncle Fester’s garb did nothing to reassure a bunch of nervous hashers.  At least they kept the hounds from seeing the myriad of scrapes and scratches on his legs, or they might have bailed then and there!  A promise of virgin hash territory – mainly because no one was ever crazy enough to try to set a hash through this terrain before!

Warnings of scratchy trees, loose rocks, unstable ground (Bloodsucker could attest to that!) and a long climb were ringing in their ears as the on-on was given.  It was through the village to the stile, over it, and along the old road to Two Boats.  The reminders to “pay attention to the hash” had obviously fallen on deaf ears, as the FRBs blew through the bar check, ignored the wrong route markings, and started up the return route!  It took a lot of screaming and hollering from the rest of the pack before their attention was peaked, and they reluctantly turned around!

The trail headed for a short while along Dampier’s Track, including a circle check where it was suggested that at the upcoming opt out, only those dedicated hashers continue on.  A few more feet on the track followed, until the warning of “if you’re on a well-defined track, don’t get too comfortable, it won’t last” became evident.  The blobs of hash headed up the embankment.  A climb followed, nothing too difficult, and then onto the Dampier’s Trail.  It was time to bid farewell to a few of the shorter-legged hashers and their companions, as they followed the trail back to the Green Mountain Road, while the hardier (or more foolish) souls turned to the left. 

The trail was followed for a while, the track was trod on briefly, then a turn signal indicated climbing up a rather steep embankment, and now the fun really began!  A climb to the next circle check by a big tree, then up, up, up and up some more.  A particularly tricky slope had a number of hounds slipping backwards more than forwards, but all eventually made it up.  Hard to believe (but true) that Uncle Fester had hacked a path through.  If he hadn’t, the hashers would have learned how to crawl on their hands and knees on a hash! 

Finally, we broke out of the heavy trees – straight into a cliff!  More grumbling, rocks rolling and sweating and there it was – Green Mountain Road.  Everyone had a brief rest (most on their backsides trying to catch their breath – although Smoked Eel Gobbler was heard whinging for a smoke!) at the circle check, then it was off down the road. 

Or so we thought – but this was an Uncle Fester/Bloodsucker hash!  Nothing easy – soon off down the scree slopes between ramps.  After a brief stop to empty shoes, more sliding down the power lines, with a serious case of working hard to avoid nasty cactus on the last slide to the Two Boats! 

A quick run back to the VT Mess where welcome cold refreshments awaited!  Lots of VT folks looking at the hashers with a bit of amusement, we must add.  We are a crazy bunch – and none more dedicated than the Major, aka Ron Hunt! 

Time for hash business - the naming of some sorry souls.  First up were B and Tom….. due to Tom’s penchant for whittling and primitive camping, he has earned the moniker Wee Chopper.  His excuse that he has to be able to fashion anything because B’s knapsack is filled with the more important types of refreshment, she will know be known as Winy Chopper! 

Next up were the young ladies from the base, Danielle and Rocky.  Lots of stories about Danielle’s penchant for smoking and her ability to devour an entire eel by herself led to the decision to name her Smoked Eel Gobbler.  Rocky’s a bit of a Daddy’s girl apparently, and since her daddy is a baker, she will forever be called Daddy’s Dough Balls!  We must say that it is the first time in Ascension Hash history that two folks who were initiated at the same time doused each other!! 

Well done, and welcome to the Ascension Hash House Harriers to all of you!

Then came the boot burnings first Madam Balls Up (them trainers did smell a bit) then came Spectacular Erection and Erection Inspector’s pair of boots, that started to smoke the place out and the chefs started to complain, now it was the Major’s turn with his half a dozen pairs and what a black cloud that sent up.

The party continued with a delicious fish fry (thanks Peter for organizing!) and a few words (no speeches were allowed!) about Ron’s special history with both the hash and VTG (how many name changes has the company been through in his career, we wonder!!).  Presentations of mementoes were followed by a few toasts to the years, the hash, the Cavaliers and great friendship, were drunk. 

The hashers would like to send Headmistress all our best wishes on a speedy recovery!! Take care, and hope to see you back on the routes soon!

Little Crisis sends greetings to all her friends on Ascension!

A good hash to commemorate a great hasher, the Major!  We’ll miss you and wish you the very best on your new adventures!! 

Next Week:  Garden Cottage

Hounds:  Over & Done With and Bloodsucker (not again!!)