Ascension : Hash Trash No 1200
Submitted by The Islander (Nathan Prince) 13.03.2008 (Article Archived on 27.03.2008)

A good crowd met outside the V.T. Mess, quite a few new faces too, – unsure of just what was in store for this weeks Hash.

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Hounds: Wild Oats, 100 Watt, Lanky, Two Cocks, Malibu’s Most Wanted, Chief Bald Eagle, Bullet, Bungalow Bill, Major, Mowgli, Wonky Willie, Oompha Lumpa, Chocolate Buttons, Burford T, Irish Whiskey, Plain Nuts, No Nuts, Glitter Babe, Canoodler, Desert Rose, Mildew, Denise, Carrie, Whopper Chopper, Copper Balls, Puff Granny, Wahoo’s your Daddy, Tony, Isles des Fleurs, Lane, Fall Guy, Headbanger, Josh, Mr Fluffy, Darren, Joe, I’m Easy (and anyone else I might have missed). 

Apres Hashers: Nip ‘n’ Suck, Little Chuffer, Madam Mardy Pants, Yeti, Sticky Fingers, Dickies Hickies, Kerb Crawler, Thumper, Blastoise, Gumby Two Scoops, Bloodsucker, Humphrey…?

A good crowd met outside the V.T. Mess, quite a few new faces too, – unsure of just what was in store for this weeks Hash.  By the time the missing minibus turned up, we had already climbed into cars.  But a quick reshuffle and at last we were off to Grazing Valley. 

We all gathered around at the start while two dozen Hashers climbed from one of the pickup trucks and the other two or three Hashers got off the bus.  At last (only half an hour later) we were given the warnings – no hazards whatsoever; apart from the thorn, the crags, the climbs, the prickly pear, the climbs, the sun, the steep paths, and the broken old fencing, oh did I mention the climbs…?

The on-on was called and the runners were led off by Uncle Fester in one direction, (which happened to be a climb) and the walkers set off on a more direct route – (also a climb).  The first part led us up and across the top of a ridge and already legs were tiring.  I was with the walkers so I don’t know quite where the runners went, but soon across the valley we noticed some sheep running our direction ready to join the WAT’s…not far behind the sheep was Tipper and not far behind him appeared Chief Bald Eagle, the FRB’s and then the rest of the runners.  Here we all joined up again.  By this time Uncle Fester had managed to tire the newer runners out and we were still in sight of the cars!   A few of the new faces decided to dawdle along with the walkers, Good Idea.  I warn you now – this running stuff is bad for you – if you are not careful you might end up like 100 Watt!

We then climbed up to the coconut palm trees and past the remains of a few old paths and roads, however we just seemed to climb across them rather than follow them.  We climbed on until we hit Middleton’s Path.   That was about the end of our climbing.  Well, we were now about halfway up Green Mountain.  The rest was a lovely amble along a lovely shaded area with the Prickly Pear being our biggest hazard.   We somehow found the hash had led us onto the Madagascar path where we hit the tarmac. Hooray!   Phew! – the end of the climbs!  Nice and simple now, just follow the road down to Two Boats Village … NOT!!!

Sorry this is the Hash!  No roads.  Nope – we went via the telegraph poles, scree runs, bunny hops (Fugitive and No Nuts looked so funny hopping around like rabbits), bottom scraping (Desert Rose’s technique), tripping and stumbling all the way down.  There was a rope to help at the climbs, which the last three Hashers down found. What?  Didn’t you know it was there?  Around by the Two Boats and  finally we could follow the home arrow back on a nice and gentle stroll… Oh !  I almost forgot about the biggest hazard – the steps over the fence… they have a nasty habit of throwing people off them, Fugitive, you should know better and learn from the likes of Plain Nuts, who had been looking after you so well!  From there the youngest and oldest Hashers both sprinted to the finish together – ahh sweet!

Finally after a great walk the end was in sight.  Glitterbabe, so pleased that she had managed to walk the whole way was so busy celebrating that she didn’t look where she was walking and tripped up right outside the Mess!  Don’t celebrate too soon next time! 

A quick look around and we seemed to be missing one or two hashers – apparently they had detoured for a shower on the way back before the après.  What’s that about?! 

On the way back for transport many tales were shared of Hashes in Japan, Cardiff, Middle East and apparently this years International Hash is in Thailand, Burford T was keen that we started a kitty so that he could go and represent us – donations in an envelope addressed to the “Peace for a while from the ‘Burford T’ Fund’.  (I think that might work ).

There was no circle of friendship drawn this week – however we are preparing ourselves for next week – aren’t we Carrie and Denise!!!  (And if you have seen the Japanese Hash habits – you will realise that you will actually get off lightly in our ceremony!)

Then the Hash Bash started – A cake for Desert Rose who had tried keeping her birthday quiet, but managed to give herself birthday bumps down the mountain anyway!  

I heard the Hash Bash was one to remember… !  Say no more!!!

A special thanks to Phyllis, Peter and Co for the great food, music and bar.  

Hash next week – Bullocks Pond .please bring a plate of eats

Hares I’m Easy &  ?  (There is to be a child friendly hash on this one).