Ascension : Hash Trash No: 1168
Submitted by The Islander (Nathan Prince) 02.08.2007 (Article Archived on 16.08.2007)

Once again the start was at Patio 13 on the base. There was a larger than usual crowd with some new faces and some old. The usual safety briefing was given by Yeti outlining and emphasising what bask arrows and bar checks were.

Hares: Yeti, Desert Rose 

From Patio 13

Hounds:  Irish Whisky, Easy Rider, Two Cocks, Kerb Crawler, Blastoize, Pumpy Pants, Rob, Milk Me Mickey, 100 Watt, Wild Bill Cock, Carpet Burns, Flopsie, Cockroach, Pippy Long Stocking, Uncle Fester, Mildew, Street Corner Lorna, Wee Scottish Lassie, Street Corner Lorna, Eat My Shorts, Corporal Spam, Bogs and Drains, Headmistress, Gumby Two Scoops, Major, Huff n Puff, Glitter Babe, No Nuts, Little Crisis, Hole in One, Pussy Galore No More, Ariel, Dot, Flasher, Glitoris, Goldilocks, Dumber, Jonathan, Steph, Josh

(Apologies for anyone who was missed out or whose names are incorrect or in the wrong group!!!)

Apres:  Canoodler, Plain Nuts, I’m Easy, Buford T, Evelyn, Keith

Once again the start was at Patio 13 on the base.  There was a larger than usual crowd with some new faces and some old. The usual safety briefing was given by Yeti outlining and emphasising what bask arrows and bar checks were.  Now was this a clue we asked ourselves.  The on-on was indicated out to the left and we all set off.  This week there were two distinct hashes – one for the runners and one for the walkers and talkers.

Being a walker and talker myself I’m not sure where the runners went exactly but I know it ended up along the pipeline, then near the airhead, along Donkey Plain and towards the wind farm before heading back to the patio.  The runners all said it was a great hash and they thoroughly enjoyed being able to stretch their legs without having to wait for us walkers and talkers.

Now I’m not sure quite went on because some of them said it was a good 4 to 5 mile run and yet when we all got back they were all smelling of roses and dressed in fresh clothes having had time for a shower and change!  Perhaps they didn’t really run all that way and cheated on us knowing we wouldn’t be able to check up this week!

The walkers also had a real good stretch of their legs with nothing too strenuous other than following the pipeline.  Flasher and Bogs and Drains were lamenting the fact they hadn’t brought the paper work to do the full inspection of the pipeline but maybe they’ll be back in the week to do so!  We headed along the path and there was the first of our bar checks.  Eat My Shorts went to the right whilst others headed to the left and straight over.  Eat My Shorts had a head start on the rest of us and was way out in front.

Following the pipeline once more it was off through the gates and soon we hit another bar check.  Easy Rider headed off down hill quite some way before realizing it was a dead end, whilst the Major and Blastoise headed to the right before having to turn back.  Sneaky Yeti had laid the trial straight on and on we headed.  Next up was a circle check that wasn’t really because the donkeys had eaten the hash.  The trail was then straight on again but we soon realized we’d been fooled.  A back arrow was staring up at us and we should have known as Yeti and Desert Rose held back.

We then headed off to the right and down towards the sea and Scouts Beach Hut. A few of us who spotted a car there were hopeful of some sustenance but no such luck.  We stopped to admire the waves at he next circle check and waited for the others to catch us up.  The on-on was then back up the hill and towards the pipeline again.  Low and behold what did we come across but the same back arrow we had met not half an hour since!!!  It had been a double purpose arrow serving as a home arrow for us now– nice on Yeti and Desert Rose!

Most followed the pipepline and made it home safely cutting through the base and soon made it home to all the lovely chicken curry with no chicken especially prepared by Major.  Cracking curry Major – well done!  But what’s this fuss about now?  It seems we have a little panic and for once it’s not a Little Crisis.  One of our flock is missing and no-one can quite remember where Eat My Shorts was last seen.  Search parties were dispatched and dad (Bogs and Drains) was dragged away from his curry to join in the search.  Major set off in his truck and sister Pippy Long Stocking and Cockraoch were sent in another direction. 

Soon all the mystery was solved as Eat My Shorts strolled in looking a little bit red in the face having made his own way back.  A good long while later his sister came back still worried only to realize he’d been back some time!  Her smile at his safe return was enough to clam the waters.

All too soon it was time for the circle of friendship to be drawn and for sorry souls to step in.  Up this week were Steph, Josh and a rather unsuspecting Bogs and Drains.  Steph started out as PondScum but was finally named PornScum (sorry Steph _ I did check this out and it is right), Josh became Pear Drop on account of some lava bombs he carried around last visit and Bogs and Drains was well and truly caught out. 

Now avid readers will remember a recent hash set by D&B, Eat My Shorts and Headmistress where B&G fell back and returned to base with the back group.  He was finally renamed Half Hash in memory of this and because it was Patio 13, because there was a hosepipe, because Buford T was there and in control of said hose pipe B&G’s renaming was accompanied by a real drenching!!!

A final goodbye was said to Corporal Spam, Half Hash, Pippy Long Stocking and Eat My Shorts as they head off into the sunset.  They are heading to Dubai now and not the dreary damp UK and I can’t say I blame them with all that flood water.  Enjoy the shopping Corporal Spam and don’t let Half Hash (B&G) stop you bending the credit cards!  We’ll miss you all and hope you let us know about your new adventures on the hash over there.  Good luck.

Special mention from Bloodsucker to Gumby Two Scoops who celebrates his **th birthday on Monday 30^th July.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY GTS!

Special hellos to everyone from Arty Farty, Mr Potato Head, Little Mermaid, Buttercup and Greased Lightening who were on their way through from Falklands to UK for the last time this tour.  They are all headed for Cyprus shortly but wanted to say Hi to all their hashing friends and let them know they miss them.

Lots of regulars are out on leave over the summer and would just like to wish those staying behind lots of safe and fun hashes.  Every Saturday afternoon we’ll be thinking of you and do you know we have all counted how many hashes we’ll miss that’s how much we enjoy hashing with you all!

Next Week – Hydroponics field - please bring a plate of eats.