Ascension : News From The Grotto - Thought For The Week
Submitted by The Islander (Shari Parkhill) 05.07.2007 (Article Archived on 19.07.2007)

Every once in a while, when I’m really struggling to find inspiration for something to talk about, something special gets sent to me. This week, it was in my mother’s weekly envelope.

She sends me her church bulletin, cartoons she thinks will give me a chuckle, newspaper articles, photographs, and things like that.  This week the package also included an obituary, which, considering that the name did not ring a bell with me, I thought rather odd.  Until I read it.  Then I understood.  It has a very special message for everyone, especially those dealing with cancer, or another life threatening illness, and those who have a loved one in this situation.  Since I think that is just about all of us at one time or another, I thought I would share it with you.

So to Bob Stevens, with thanks, I am passing your message of  advice, perseverance and hope on to many more people than you thought might ever see it.  Bob wrote his own obituary.  It reads:
“If you are reading this I have passed away.  All things considered I have won many battles along the way but have finally lost my five year war with cancer.  I would not have survived this long were it not for the love of my family, the encouragement and kindness of friends and the professional and caring members of the medical community.  I was born in 1948 in Fredericton to the late Walter and Joyce (Coombes) Stevens.  I am survived by the love of my life for the past 36 years my wonderful wife Mary (nee Ryan) and our three terrific children Christie, Andrew and Paige.  As well, I leave sister Dorothy, brother Barry (Joy), close cousin Richard Coyle, best friend Pierre LeBlanc and too many relatives, friends and acquaintances to mention.  I attended Fredericton schools and UNB Business Administration (1971).  I qualified as a Chartered Accountant in 1974 and have been with the firm KPMG Chartered Accountants for my entire professional career before retiring for health reasons in 2004 as Partner in Charge of the Fredericton office.  I came to know the many wonderful staff, clients and business associates over the years and don’t think it too vain to expect those closest will be saddened by my passing.

Cancer – the big “C” seems to affect just about every family member either directly or indirectly.  From my personal experience I offer the following advice to those who find themselves with a diagnosis of cancer or any life-threatening illness.  Trust in your medical advisors.  At the end of the day they really do have your best interests at heart.  But at the same time don’t be hesitant to question them, insist on answers that you can understand, make suggestions based on your own research and ask for second opinions if you feel the need.
Some have heard me say that you have to play the hand you’re dealt.  I have done so and I have no regrets.  At the risk of another cliché I have found that when one door closes another door opens.  Even if you are not a church-goer don’t be afraid to place your faith in God – it can only help.  Think positively even if it’s sometimes extremely difficult.  When they tell you the percentages are low for success of some treatment you may as well conclude that someone has to be in the low percentage success group so it may as well be you. 

If, like me your style is to be self-reliant allow your family and friends to do whatever they can.  Remember they are suffering too and are probably unsure of how to act or what to say or do.  Realism and optimism are great but a little stubbornness can help too, so above all – Never Give up. 

I would like to thank all the medical community with whom I have been in contact in recent years.  At the risk of leaving someone out this includes Drs. Scott Robertson, Donald MacQuarrie, Margot Burnell, Michael Morse, Brian Johnston and Lori Wood.  I would like to acknowledge the many nurses at SJRH radiation intervention and oncology with whom I spent a huge amount of time and got to know personally as well as professionally.  I can’t imagine a finer or more dedicated group of people.”

So Bob, I never knew you but I want to thank you for the care that you have shown by bestowing this honest, forthright and moving message to those of us lucky enough to read it.  This is dedicated to all our family and friends, past, present and future who are presently on or will journey through illness, and to all of us who love them.  May God bless us one and all.