Ascension : Hash Thrash - Hash No: 1518
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 12.06.2014 (Article Archived on 03.07.2014)
The morning started off like any other on Ascension. People woke up, snuggled up with their significant others, their teddy bears, their dogs or with a pillow and some bizarre and unrepeatable fantasy.
Hash No: 1518
Hares:Sub-Spawn of Turtle Head and Knee-Jerk Turtle
Hounds:Boozy Head, Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Missing McGonagall, The Last Turtle Head of Doom, Brows, Over-N-Done With, Mrs Palm, Little Miss Grubby, The Island Mount, Pussy Brusher, Secretly Dirty, Oralia, Jim, Andy, Stefan and Flash Cake
The morning started off like any other on Ascension. People woke up, snuggled up with their significant others, their teddy bears, their dogs or with a pillow and some bizarre and unrepeatable fantasy. The odd soul woke up with that taste in their mouth, the large head and the thought going through their brain “Why did I do that to myself again???” (And no, that was not the author) You, our faithful reader, are asking yourself what all these people have in common. Little did they know the depths of absolute depravity they would sink to on this fateful day.
The Turtle Sistas had been allowed the privilege of setting one last hash before they departed our fair isle. It started off innocently enough, thepackgathered at the Goat Hole Ravine letterbox cairn. The usual brief, 6circle checks, the ever present threat of zombie rabbits, ups and downs, scree, loose rocks, man-eating crabs and sharp plants. This week saw the return of Over-N-Done With from her holidays, Oralia on her annual pilgrimage to Ascension and Jim the new Diane.
The On-On was sounded and the herd immediately realized something was amiss as the trail led off in the wrong direction for Goat Hole. In a moment of sophrosyne clarity the Sistas had chosen a different path. Heading across the road, the trail dropped down in the end of the canyon that empties into North East Bay. The trail meandered down the canyon, lulling your hashers into a false sense of security until they hit a circle check and realized the trail led straight up the side of Lower Valley Crater. Staggering to the top, with a couple of the older hasher crawling on their hands and knees, the hash was treated to a breath-taking vista of North-East Bay. From there the trail down the ridgeline to the road, seeing the trail was heading across the road, Over-Done with and Stefan abandoned the hash, claiming some work thing. The rest of the horde continued on, wondering if we were still going to make a go for the Goat Hole Letterbox, fortunately the Sista’s had taken pity on their more aged relatives and dropped back to the cairn instead. After a brief pause for refreshments, the ancient naming rites began, first up was Secretly Dirty named for her ability to survive multiple hashes worldwide without getting named or apparently even getting stained. Little Miss Grubby, who most of the island believe is her daughter, is unfortunately now tarred with the same brush. The Island Mount came next, with the Scottish contingent taking the lead on her naming, based off both her current assignment and her at home hobbies. Pussy Brusher came last, she made two mistakes, saying she liked the first choice in names, and not realizing that even our friends will turn on us when it comes to hash naming.
The post hash conversation covered the usual variety of subjects, from the uses of young hasher blood, as recommended by various studies and Keith Richards to the current state of baby food containers. The final diehards rescued the odd stuck vehicles and faded into the darkness.
Next week:Sunday 0800 Conservation Gate/RSPB Road - the 3rd Annual Post Queens Birthday Boatswain Bird and Spire Beach Letterbox walk
Bring Sunscreen and plenty of water - BBQ at IDL Beach hut for the survivors!
“The mountains are calling and I must go.”