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  Issue No. 2302 Online Edition Saturday 6 February 2016 
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Ascension : Hash Thrash - Hash No: 1513
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 08.05.2014 (Article Archived on 22.05.2014)

Girly screams could be heard throughout grazing valley much to the bemusement of many of the hashers – what could be causing such hysteria?

Hash No: 1513

Hares:Pestis Maximuz, Pestis Minumiz and Pestis Minutiz

Hounds:Boozy Head,Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver,Dead Gross,Idle Trekkie, Hairy Hal, Hairy Leftovers, Missing McGonagall, Snowballing Grecian, Grecian Granny Rations, Blade Runner, The Last Turtle Head of Doom, SubSpawn of Turtle Head, Brows, Tipex, Happy Ending, Lady Boy George, Turtle Baby Momma, Turtle Baby Daddy, Masked Bobbie Inspector, Golden Locks, Boy Driller, Huge Erection, Chris#1, Dan, Matt, Rachael, Chris #2, Samantha, Flash cake, Marple and Denning

Après: KneeJerk Turtle

Hash Trash

Girly screams could be heard throughout grazing valley much to the bemusement of many of the hashers – what could be causing such hysteria? It turned out that the hash was being honoured with the presence of members of the boy band GMO and some females present recognised them from their more youthful days. Once the initial excitement had passed and autographs were refused (much to the disappointment of some) silence was called and the brief was given by Pestis Maximuz. The hashers were reassured that there was “nothing the puppies can’t do” but to watch out for scratchy bushes, loose rock, vertical rock, slippery rock, a water crossing and a land crab ambush. The On-On was sounded and the hash set off towards the sugar cubes, leaving a broken Knee-Jerk Turtle to guard the beer cooler.

As with every hash the trail was lost before the 1st circle check was found, but luckily the group were aided with the help of Pestis clan’s faithful puppies.  With the route found again and a perilous climb ahead, many people started to wonder if “nothing the puppies can’t do” wasn’t slightly misleading.  Fortunately with no fatalities and people only partially wounded the hashers finally reached the 2nd circle check.

The trail led on through some woodland, a rare sight for Ascension, filling some of the more permanent hashers with fond memories of more green and pleasant lands. On arrival at the 4th circle check it was noted that there was an optional climb to get a good view. Some eagerly climbed, not really thinking through how they would get back down…

The trail carried on past Bullocks pond letterbox and luckily this time the highly infectious Blotchusstampitus was not contracted. With the group now spread out and the cars almost in sight not many people waited at the final check. With the relief of having survived the hash so far the masses opted for the easier way down.

The group was greeted by a lonely Kneejerk Turtle, who’d managed to restrain herself from eating all of the Masked Booby Inspectors donuts.

Congratulations to the Pestis Clan for setting the standard high on their 1st hash!

Next week:16:30Pull over just past Lady Hill Cairn on road to travellers

Hares:Missing McGonagall,

Bring a plate of eats


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