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Ascension : Hash No: 1510
Submitted by The Islander (Mario Anthony) 24.04.2014 (Article Archived on 08.05.2014)

So, here we are once again, dear readers, with another tale of our brave hashers.

Hounds:Boozy Head, Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver,Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Hairy Hal
Hairy Leftovers, Missing McGonagall, Snowballing Grecian, Grecian Granny Rations,
Over-N-Done With, Pestis Minumiz, The Last Turtle Head of Doom, Happy Ending,
SubSpawn of Turtle Head, Masked Bobbie Inspector, Tipex, Flash Hash, Ruth, Laura
Georgie, Karen, Samantha and Stefan

So, here we are once again, dear readers, with another tale of our brave hashers. This week, we were all destined to meet at the Portuguese Trail, with a hash set by our very own hare, Karen. The weather was fine, and our moods matched perfectly, all of us smiley and delightful. (For the most part.) We were told there would be four Circle Checks, and that the hash would be as easy as a lady’s afternoon stroll. It looked to be a wonderful hash.

We started walking, and to our surprise, we were joined by our fellow warrior, Boozy Head
, who had been out for a few weeks, due to an unfortunate injury from losing a battle with the notorious Ascension Dragon. But here he was! Still on crutches, but massively improved. It was good to have him back. The trail was littered with pine tree needles, but that did little to impede our progress. With our hash armour on, we soon reached Circle Check One.

The trail sloped slightly upwards, but that did nothing to stop us, as we blazed on up the hash. The Last Turtle Head Of Doom was soon introduced to our new brave warriors, who had gone through rigorous training and testing to prove their worth. They wouldn’t be here forever, but the hashers only accept the highest standard of warrior, as we all know. Soon, we drew close to the second Circle Check, but then disaster struck! Boozy Head
fell prey to his injury once more, and had to turn back. Dead Gross volunteered to accompany him, so no giant birds of prey, or dragons apprehended our brave hasher and carried him off. Safety in numbers, I suppose. (Of course, both could always be done away with by mythical creatures, but it’s much more unlikely with two warriors.) We journeyed on with sadness in our hearts, (Which didn’t stop us.) to Circle Check Two. But for some strange reason, it seemed only minutes since the last Circle Check! Oh well. I guess our perception is just slightly skewed.

Continuing on our epic quest, we skittered down a hill, littered with rocks, and tree debris, such as pine tree needles. It was fun, but we got slightly lost. The boys wandered off in one direction, while some of our more experienced hash trackers wandered off in another, and the rest of us just drifted, in hope of finding the hash. Soon though, it was relocated, and we were on our way. We got down to the bottom of the hill, and once again, we had misplaced the hash. We seemed to be doing that a lot today… But it was located by the Masked Bobbie Inspector, (Who, it must be noted will probably be famed for her brilliant hash tracking skills.) and once again, we were off. Circle Check Three presented itself in the form of a small glade, perched on the hill, where we stopped and drank our restorative potions.

On we journeyed, getting sweaty and tired, but still going strong, to the other side of the hill. This pleased us, as from here to the finish, it was all downhill. Samantha found a dead crab shell, and presented it to Pestis Minimuz with great care. We kept on keeping on, and were soon able to see just how far ahead the boys were. The twins now looked like triplets, with all of them wearing black. They soon vanished from view. (Probably lured by the promise of food and drink, but we’re not complaining.) Circle Check Four seemed to have vanished, but that may just be me, as I bypassed it completely. Pestis Minimuz, and Laura (One of our new hashers.) managed to miss the hash, and travel down a prickly pear, spiky tree laden valley, while the rest of the hashers took a nice cliff top stroll down to the finish. It must be said, some hashers are definitely dafter than others. Here concludes our hashing tale for the week.

Next week:16:30The Boozy Abode
Hares:Soggy Boozer
Bring a plate of eats

Ever suffered from millinophilia? Do you know what a Church Crown is? Have a yen for Ascot or the Derby? Come show off your latest at this year’s Easter Bonnet hash!


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