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  Issue No. 2292 Online Edition Monday 30 November 2015 
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Ascension : Hash Trash:#1508
Submitted by The Islander (Mario Anthony) 03.04.2014 (Article Archived on 17.04.2014)

As people gathered at the Letterbox trail head they knew, after a rainy week, they were in for a down and dirty hash

Hares: Sub-Spawn of Turtle Head and Knee-Jerk Turtle
Hounds:Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Hairy Hal, Hairy Leftovers, Missing McGonagall, Snowballing Grecian, Grecian Granny Rations, Over-N-Done With, Lady Boy George, Dipstick, The Last Turtle Head of Doom, Masked Boobie Inspector, Tipex, Pestis Maximuz, Pestis Minumiz, Pestis Minutuz, Mrs Palm, Flash Cake, Karen and Stefan
Après: Boozy Head
As people gathered at the Letterbox trail head they knew, after a rainy week, they were in for a down and dirty hash. The pond that had formed at the entrance took some navigating, with Grecian Granny Rations making a spectacular entrance followed promptly by her minions cleaning the truck. Flash Cake decided to celebrate his return to the hash by becoming a brunette and went for the full immersion treatmentwhich of course he had to share with any that would have him. The Turtle Sista’s hash brief was short, 3 circle checks, loose scree, steep slopes and the possibility that the rain had washed away the hash. The On-On sounded and the pack set off down the road in what started as an easy stroll, lulling the senses to the trials yet to come.
The trail cut off the road, down through gulley’s and up the opposing slope to a stone outcrop and the first circle check with a first-rate view of the Letterbox Plateau. After a break for pictures the trail then led up the scree slope to the 2nd circle check with another great view! From there the trail led around and somehow to the surprise of even the experienced hashers popped up at the back of the NASA site.
Cutting back through the site the hashers got to see some 1st moult land crabs before rounding the building and discovering what the Sista’s were snickering about, the hash was routed through the obstacle course. For those readers unfamiliar with the island history, after the NASA site was closed it was use for a number of years as a Scout center. Some evil and twisted mind decided to put in a full obstacle course and the hares decided to take full advantage of it. In a sad comment on our youth, the younger males of the hash chose to bypass this leaving the ladies and the old and infirm to deal with it. As the herd navigated the various obstacles it was noted the members that were ex military all dropped out in some form of flashback. The tire swing proved to be the most difficult with a variety of techniques used, most of which just proved to be embarrassing for the people attempting it. Finally staggering out of the area the end was in sight, but there was one last obstacle, one of the rarest creatures on Ascension, the rarely seen pink moult Land Crab.
Boozy head, still on the injured list, had the Après ready for the hashers arrival. The post hash conversation turned to the Conservations Department’s Crabapalooza that most of the hashers had attended the night before, the various renditions of the crab spawn dance ranged from deeply disturbing to well just disturbing. As always the hash bears no responsibility for future therapy. After enjoying the fruits of the Masked Bobbies Inspector’s labours several of the less bright members of the hash tried to induce Flash Hash , after another dip in the pond to jump into Grecian Granny Rations new ride, luckily for the all the dog was smarter than they were. As the Après would down the survivors learned why you should never let the dog lick your face, probably should have told the lads.

Place: Parking area next to the small Satellite dish – Left hand side of road going from Travellers to Two Boats
Hare:Mrs Palm
“Under a particular state of the atmosphere, when dark masses of cloud are congregated round the High Peak and bosom of the Green Mountain is scarcely possible that the imagination should conceive a picture more wildly sublime.”
Capt. Brandreth 1835


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