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  Issue No. 2302 Online Edition Sunday 7 February 2016 
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Ascension : Hash Trash: #1502
Submitted by The Islander (Mario Anthony) 27.02.2014 (Article Archived on 13.03.2014)

It was a confident bunch that gathered at Springers Beach Hut this week. There were foolish dreams of an easy stroll across the beach from these novice hares.

Hares: Doctor Doolittle

Hounds: Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Hairy Hal, Hairy Leftovers, Missing McGonagall, Snowballing Grecian, Grecian Granny Rations, Over-N-Done With,2nd Chance Squealer, Boy Driller, Goldilocks , Goes Down Well, Jacks  off all Trades, The Last Turtle Head of Doom, Flash Hash, Blade Runner, Paul, Emma, Eileen, Eliza, Maddie , Maria and Ruan

Après:Boozy Head, Happy Ending, Dan and numerous others!

It was a confident bunch that gathered at Springers Beach Hut this week. There were foolish dreams of an easy stroll across the beach from these novice hares. Happy Endingopted stay behind to keep the incapacitated Boozy Headcompany and to light the coals but the other hashers knew that this was just a ruse to get out of actually doing any walking. While we were waiting there was much discussion about whether the US paid poor Boy Drillerenough given that he never seems to have enough money for a shirt. The Last Turtle Head of Doom called order and warned the motley crew that from now on their sordid secrets were signed over. Few were worried as they have all heard TLTHoD’s tall stories before and know that he must have the most to worry about.

Doctor Doolittle then took control and told us this was to be an easy hash with 5 circle checks but with one or two more ‘difficult’ bits. On-on was called and the hashers were disappointed to find that the hash didn’t go over the beach but immediately up the hill. The group quickly straggled with much carping about needing a warm up before scaling a hill. As the top was reached Goes Down Well was seen arriving, not much chance of her being anywhere but at the back on this hash.

The first circle check was quickly found at the perimeter fence of the US base and Goes Down Welltruly lived up to her name by taking a trip before she even reached the circle check. Flash Cake was leashed and it was with fear and trepidation that the poor souls braved the escape from the US Base as the trail went round the end of the fence over a steep drop down to the sea. Honestly, there must be a better way to escape the yanks. Flash Cake did his best to pull Missing McGonagall into the sea but failed in his mission.

As usual, the younger hashers couldn’t wait for the more lackadaisical members and set off in the wrong direction. They were quickly called back into line as the trail took a steep scramble down towards the sea. Going over the rocks just above the shore, Grecian Granny Rations took a tumble, weighed down by the amount of trash she had collected in such a short space of time. Soggy Boozer almost did for Goes Down Well by sending an avalanche of rocks perilously close to her head.  Never has there been such an elongated bunch of hashers with those at the front having some considerable wait for the oldies/infirm to catch up. By the second circle the Grecian pair had given up and set off back – we were told it was because of the football sized lump that had appeared on the matriarch’s shin but everyone just thought they were off to get a head start at the VC.

After this the going got easier and the conversation quickly turned to the many namings that need to be completed. There was much hilarity at some of the suggestions but many could not be printed in a family paper. The spoor went behind the VC and there was much surprise as the Grecian pairwere spotted in the distance and not propping up the bar. Off down the track and some bypassing the last circle check which involved another scramble up and down.Doctor Doolittle  was congratulated on losing a good number of hashers on his first has.

Eventually all were assembled back at the hut in time to witness a glorious Ascension sunset.While the food was cooking the ancient hash initiation ceremony was commenced with Boy Driller being named in honour of his real line of work. There were many suggestions for the second naming but eventually Goes Down Well was settled on as the others are unprintable. With hash business completed there was nothing left to do except while the night away with the usual variety of hash refreshments accompanied by some fine cooking.

Place: Cocoanut Bay/Pillar Bay Cairn NASA Road

Time: 4.30pm         Hare: Bladerunner


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