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  Issue No. 2303 Online Edition Friday 12 February 2016 
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Ascension : Hash Trash: no 1500
Submitted by The Islander (Mario Anthony) 03.02.2014 (Article Archived on 17.02.2014)

There was a strange but colourful sight to behold at the AIG beach hut this week.

Hares: Boozy Head Hounds: Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Hairy Hal, Hairy Leftovers, Warp Speed, Cat Walk, Mirror Poser, Buzz Lightyear, Gok Kwan, Pole Dancer, Over-N-Done With, Dirty Dough Balls, Doctor Doolittle, Golden Locks, Missing McGonagall, Snowballing Grecian, Grecian Granny Rations, Mrs Palm, Lady Boy George, Herr-lien Disaster Chef, Asi Po Po, The Last Turtle Head of Doom, Happy Ending, Fondle my Eggs, Bum Fluff, Matt, Jessica, Christopher, Malcolm, Paul, Emma, Eileen, Scott, Nicky, Andy, Rachael, Finley, Sammy, Chris, Amira, Georgia, Thomas, Matt, Diane, Peter, Louise, Debbie, Daniel, Mya, Emily, Daniel, Maddie, Maria, Eliza, Marnie, Jess, Sawyer, Flash Hash Après: Ben, Dan, Hash Cake, Ilaria, Emily, Jane and Craig

There was a strange but colourful sight to behold at the AIG beach hut this week. With over 50 hashers all sporting red and a frighteningly large number in dresses there were a lot of hairy legs on view (and not just from the 4 hounds that had turned out). It was slightly disturbing how many really rocked wearing a dress with wigs, bling, boas and other adornments galore, making many hashers wonder if this was not such an usual activity for some of the hashers. A lot of creativity was evident with dresses having been bought, begged, borrowed, stolen and even made. Present was also the Ascension Island Red Dress Ninja. How had such a dangerous person been allowed on the island and who was it anyway? After much admiration of the assembled attire, Boozy Head stepped up with the hash brief. He clearly hadn’t understood The Last Turtle Head of Doom’s instructions for an ‘easy hash’ – does such a thing exist anyway? With 8 circle/heart checks (the last back at the hut), hazards included loose rocks, thorn, two steep scrambles down, roads, donkeys and crabs. With a valentines theme in mind, Boozy Head had composed a poem with clues to the circle checks, the quality of which was similar to the namesake of Missing McGonagall. On-on was called across the beach towards the blow hole and the large group were off. It wasn’t long before hashers were heading in the wrong direction and had to be redirected back along the beach. Boozy Head took charge and sent the motley crew on the trail and up the hill, up a random set of steps to the first circle check. Already the smaller hashers were finding the going tough and were lagging behind. On-on again and up the track to the second circle check which had suffered from the Ascension weather and donkeys. Soggy Boozer took charge this time and called back the enthusiastic front runners who had missed it, to wait for the slower crew. Boozy Head promised a ‘get out’ route for those that were lazy/not as fit, struggling before the next circle check. With the trail going over the road, the dogs were leashed and the crew continued, up the track, over the road and up the hill called the Gallows. At this point a number of hashers took the easy route back down the road while the rest listened to the curses of TLTHoD (he said that he had promised people an easy hash, others thought it was just because it had meant he couldn’t wear his high heels to match his frock). A number of techniques were used to get down the hill in the splendid attire as the dwindling group set off across the lava. Dead Gross decided to take on the Red Dress Ninja but Dead Gross decidedly came off worse. With the hashers enthusiastically missing the next circle check the route went round the back of the huts across the old golf course to the back of the Obsidian. On-on again and one or two hashers were lost to the bemused on-lookers in the Saints Club. The route then turned down and up into Fort Hayes with the odd hasher disappearing off home. With the view much admired (and this was not the view of the island, rather the ‘Ascension Island Breast Enhancements’ which appeared to have been taking place at every circle check) there was another scramble down the back of the fort, along the pipe line to the cemetery. With beer in smelling distance and sight the hashers had a brief stop at the next circle check but quickly made their way back to the beach hut. They were greeted by the welcome sight of Craig with tools and fish in hand to cook for the hungry hashers. Ascension Island has been voted as one of the Top Ten Coolest Places for a Red Dress Hash in the world and it had certainly lived up to this accolade.

The party continued long into the night after another successful Red Dress Hash. Place: IDL Beach Hut Time: 4.30pm Hare: Em and the Funky Bunch Bring a Plate of Eats!



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