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  Issue No. 2303 Online Edition Friday 12 February 2016 
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Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash No: 1499
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 30.01.2014 (Article Archived on 13.02.2014)

It was another very large crowd again this week, it was wondered if the word had been spread that there was going to be some ’ Hash Business’ afterwards and the uninitiated had come to watch.

Hash Trash: 1499

Hares: Missing McGonagall and Snowballing Grecian

Hounds:Boozy Head, Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Hairy Hal, Hairy Leftovers, No Idea, Doctor Doolittle, Goldilocks, Dirty Dough Balls, Over-N-Done With, Pole Dancer, Herr-Lien Disaster Chef, Grecian’s Granny Rations, Flash Hash, The Last Turtle Head of Doom, Emily, Daniel, Maddie, Maria, Marcella, Ilaria, Matt, Paul, Emma, Eileen  and Louise


It was another very large crowd again this week, it was wondered if the word had been spread that there was going to be some ’ Hash Business’ afterwards and the uninitiated had come to watch. Either to revel in the poor soul undergoing the experience or give themselves the heads up that they should run for the hills.

The brief was carried out by Missing McGonagall; it consisted of a bit of up and a bit of down. We were to expect spectacular panoramic views and to look out for a message of true love???? Also there could be seen evidence that the crew of the Zombie Rabbit Raft may have passed this way. There would be five circle checks. The hazards consisted of a bit of loose rock – really!!! Had we known the truth, those amongst us that were fond of our lives and limbs should have left there and then!  Vehicles on axle stands (where were they taking us)!  Electric cables – a debate took place on whether the unruly youngsters were to stand on them or not stand on them – jury still out on that one.

Missing McGonagoll reminded us all that it was also Burns night and word had come his way that a couple of Haggis had escaped from the kitchen and posed an additional danger as well as the usual Zombie Rabbits!

The Last Turtle Head of Doom gave a final hazard warning to the newbies amongst us. They were not to follow any short person in their teen years! Given that they have the tendency to be attracted to anything shiny and would lead the unprepared off – maybe never to be seen again.

The On-On was sounded and the troupe headed off.  It was noted that some more experienced hashers had hiking sticks. The general view is, that they are used more to keep the more feral of the hashers in check rather than a walking aid. 

The first circle check gave us the view of the windmill farm and one brave newbie back chatted TLTHD! Didn’t she realise the consequences of this? Needless to say the last person to try this never utters the words Candy A$$ within earshot of him.

At the second circle check the gang stood on the rim of the crater wondering which poor soul would be the first to take the plunge! I’m pleased to report all made it to the bottom and the third circle check, with only a few clinker avalanches, caused by some the heavier of the gang. It was at this point we wondered if some were sending up thanks to the Gods for getting them down without losing life, limb or skin.

The fourth circle check revealed a message – was it left by the Haggis/Zombie Rabbit or the hares that felt the need to dice with death. Was this message hinting at TLTHD satanic practices or his fondness of farm animals?

The fifth circle check showed definitive evidence of the crew of the Zombie Rabbit Crew. Worryingly one of the younger members of the Boozy family collected the bones to decorate the Christmas Tree later on this year!

The troupe made it back with the same number of bodies that had started. Then began the infamous, ‘Hash Business’. The Circle of DoomFriendship was drawn and the victim entered with trepidation.  A brief discussion took place on the merits of various names suggested. Some of these it should be said could cause lifelong trauma to someone’s self-respect and a very large bill for therapy! Followed is what can only be describedas the Hashers version of water boarding! But as they say what doesn’t kill you can only make you stronger.




Place: AIG Beach Hut


Hare:Boozy Head

The World Famous Ascension

Red Dress Hash and Charity Ball 1 Feb 2014

Hash # 1500


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