Ascension : Hash Trash #1475
Submitted by The Islander (Mario Anthony) 15.08.2013 (Article Archived on 03.10.2013)

The IDL beach hut, perched on the ridge overlooking North-East Bay and the great expanse of the South Atlantic Ocean was all a bustle this last Saturday afternoon.

Hares: Boozy Head and Soggy Boozer

Hounds: Over-n-Done With, Happy Ending, Snowballing Grecian, Ms Palm, Lady Boy George, Roving Scab, Herr-leinDisasterchef, Herr Slacker, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Bus Driver, Honey Dunkin’, Christian, Sam, Mr Fussy Fysics, Mrs Fussy Effics, Barbie Girl, 2^nd Chance Squealer, Silent-but-Deadly, AsiPoPo and The Last Turtle Head of Doom.

Half a Hash: Beef Cake, Hash Cake, Half a Cake, and Rebecca

Après: Herrless Twitcher and Sue

The IDL beach hut, perched on the ridge overlooking North-East Bay and the great expanse of the South Atlantic Ocean was all a bustle this last Saturday afternoon. The Ascension Hash House Harriers were once more gathered to embark upon an adventure of epic proportions. Old hashers were returning, with Honey Dunkin’ being back to visit after a time off island. Snowballing Grecian arrived to raucous laughter concerning his facial hair and the semblance to Ron Jeremy, which prompted musical accompaniment from Happy Ending whenever she looked at him.

The hash brief was short; we were to expect 6 circle checks and the usual dangers of loose rock, thorns, and the ever-present threat posed by zombie rabbits. With the promise from Soggy that this week was going to be an ‘easy one’ we were fairly confident in the belief that there would be a challenging surprise ahead. We were promptly told to get out of sight, so that the half-hashers could be given their top-secret alternate instructions.

The On-On was sounded and off we trundled in the direction of Ariane and the dark skies that loomed above that lone palm. Some murmurs of disgruntlement at what looked like an imminent soaking reminiscent of hash #1472 spread through the ranks, but for now, the rain held off. We scrambled and hopped over the rough volcanic flow to a point where we discovered the remnants of the old 200ft+ antennae operated by CSO: great rusted lumps of metal sunk into concrete slabs. Onward we marched towards the first circle check. Just as we arrived, we glanced out towards Hannay’s and Hummock point to witness a crisp rainbow arching across the sky over the visible edge of Boatswain Bird Island… Surely a good omen! Once everyone had gathered, we sounded the On-On and headed to the Ariane site and the second circle check, as the skies opened above us.

Once everyone had caught up, we set a gentle uphill course parallel to the road. Cutting across from the South side of the road to the North, we ended up in a small gorge where those hashers more susceptible to vertigo were given the option of the easy way down to the beach while the others headed towards the cairns at the top of the hill. A brief circle check at the peak before the younger hashers spotted a small line of hash directly below them down a scree slope. They promptly headed off without waiting for Soggy Boozer to sound the On-On, abandoning the actual route in favour of speed.  Soggy Boozer arrived (having been preoccupied by giving directions to those less in favour of steep slopes) and directed us towards the hash, which we lost again rather quickly. For want of a better route, the majority of the group headed down after the kids, while a select ambitious few attempted to search for the missing hash and the correct route. This small group of 4 (Snowballing Grecian, Mrs Palm, Silent-but-Deadly and Herr Slacker)  headed down what turned out to be a much steeper slope, with small rocks coming loose and rapidly accelerating to murderous speeds as they rolled down the hill. After a couple of mini rockfalls where the largest stone was the size of a small melon, Snowballing Grecian decided to take it up a notch. He stood on what appeared to be a stable, sheep-sized, boulder, which came loose and began its journey towards Silent-but-Deadly and Herr Slacker. As it went, it broke into slightly smaller lumps and knocked several other boulders of considerable size loose. Amidst cries of “ROCKS!” we scrambled for cover, with a rock the size of a basketball and travelling at the considerable speed missing Silent-but-Deadly’s shins by mere feet. The silence from Mrs Palm who was further down the slope was concerning until we saw his grinning head pop up from below the cliff. We began a much more careful descent to the valley floor.

Once safely on firm soil, we headed towards North East Bay and the other hashers, encountering a concerned Lady Boy George on our way to the last circle check, where everyone was waiting for us. On the way down to the beach were regaled with tales of the Halloween Hash of 2012, the nightmarish events of which took place in that very valley.

Arriving back at the beach hut, we were greeted by the welcome sight of a BBQ on the go, and icy cold beer. We got down to hash business as there was lot’s to get through. The Fussy family were directed into the Circle of “Friendship” for their naming ceremony, with the names Mr Fussy Physics and Mrs Fussy Ethics being bestowed on Ned and Mel on account of their areas of expertise and teaching careers. Barbie Girl received her ironic name on account of not being girly at all. It was said that these names were “too nice” but there were no better suggestions so the ceremonial cleansing began.  Next up was Silent-but-Deadly, named for his mute-like silence and speculation as to his possible career as an assassin. Glasses were recharged for the naming of 2^nd Chance Squealer, thus named due to his mathematical ability of getting it right 2^nd time around, and his un-Rambo like fear of insects. And finally AsiPoPo was in line for her naming, which was decided due to her position on the CSR police force.

We then reconvened within the hut for the final piece of business before settling down to après: The birthdays of Beef Cake and Herr-leinDisasterchef. With that out of the way, we proceeded to celebrate yet another great hash.

Next week: Crystal Bay cairn/shacks on NASA Road

Time: 4:30 pm

Hares: Herr Slacker and Herr-leinDisasterchef

Bring a plate of eats.