Ascension : Hash Trash: no1473
Submitted by The Islander (Mario Anthony) 01.08.2013 (Article Archived on 15.08.2013)

The start of this week’s thrilling instalment begins at the American wind turbines. Cars gathered with a number of first time hashers visiting the island amongst the motley crew – did they know what they were letting themselves in for, it’s doubtful they had been properly informed.

Hares: Mrs Palm

Hounds:Soggy Boozer,Idle Trekkie, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Boozy Head, Missing McGonagall, Snowballing Grecian, Lady Boy George, The Last Turtle Head of Doom, Small Balls, Jackie, Andi, Delvin, Goes Down on Relics, Herr-lein Disaster Chef, Ned, Mel, Lauren and James.

½ hashers: Hash cake, Beef Cake, Half a Cake and Linda.

Après: Sue and Herr Slacker.

The start of this week’s thrilling instalment begins at the American wind turbines. Cars gathered with a number of first time hashers visiting the island amongst the motley crew – did they know what they were letting themselves in for, it’s doubtful they had been properly informed. Rumour was abound that Mrs Palm had set the hash without actually getting out of his car, but as he wasn’t present this could not be confirmed. The hounds were beginning to get restless and were wondering if they could walk a ‘plan B’ as too many were hung over to get straight onto the beers when eventually the missing hare and his sidekicks turned up. The Last Turtle Head of Doom tried to convince the new comers that the wind turbines were only properly put into use when the island needed to be moved but none were taken in by this as they had already been warned about TLTHofD’s propensity to stretch the truth.

The hash brief was brief – 6 circle checks and one hill with an opt out and not many of the usual hazards. The hounds were beginning to doubt that there was any hash at all as the group set off down the track towards the road and turned left towards Georgetown. Some hash was spotted and it was not long before the hash turned off the road and onto the track heading between Red Hill and Table Crater. With the absence of the Hairy Twins, Dead Gross had attached himself to Herr-lein Disaster Chef and they strolled along bringing up the rear. Mrs Palm made a quick improvised circle check as the unfit were struggling to make it to the first real circle check – Mrs Palm did state that ‘it didn’t seem that far in the car’. The crew reassembled and the trail continued on the track past the old ammunition store and eventually led to the One Boat tip at the bottom of Lady Hill. The half hashers did not believe that the going would continue to be easy and opted to turn back for early beers.

Mrs Palm was congratulated on taking us to the most un-scenic part of the island but some did stop to photograph the baby camel’s bottom which was spotted. After another circle check or two the group then stopped to admire the WW2 Hydroponics site.

With only one more circle check to go, Dead Gross and Herr-lein Disaster Chef unattached themselves and took off on their own route back to the cars. The group were advised that there were two options – the easy route around Table Crater or straight up and round the top. Small Balls, Jackie and Andi took the sensible route with the others braving it up to the top. Lady Boy George, TLTHofD and Soggy Boozer were first up to the top as they were eager to find out what was up there – Mrs Palm had been heard to say that ‘it was loose and slippy round the rim’. While the others were straggling up, Lady Boy George found the skull of the famous Ascension Zombie Rabbit which he decided to take home as a souvenir leaving the others to puzzle what the skeleton that was left behind.

Coming down the other side of the crater it became evident who the novice hashers were with Delvin, Mel, Ned Lauren and Goes Downs on Relics the last to the bottom. While the others were waiting Missing McGonagall and Lady Boy George confessed that they had secretly loaded up Goes Downs on Relics with some Ascension souvenirs. As the hashers could now smell the beer it wasn’t long before all were reassembled back at the cars.

Some of the hashers commented on Soggy Boozer having to import friends from the UK and that Mel, Ned and Lauren must have lost the lottery to come – they remained loyal and failed to dish any dirt confirming that Soggy Boozer did not deserve her reputation. The hashers were impressed that Linda had managed in 3 days what the other hashers had been trying for a year, to get Hash Cake off the wagon, though the superior beverage was also given some credit for this. Lady Boy George was not pleased to find out that he has a strong resemblance to a mini-me.

All survived without the shedding of too much blood and it was agreed that this had been a good first hash from Mrs Palm but he could do with further training in hash setting and just needed to get out of the car a little more. Hash business was concluded with the singing of Hashy Birthday to Idle Trekkie, Bus Driver and Ned.

Next week:Mountain Red Hill cairn          

Time: 4.30pm           

Hare: Boozy Head     Bring a plate of eats.

Soggy Boozer