Ascension : Hash Thrash - Hash No: 1468
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 27.06.2013 (Article Archived on 11.07.2013)

As the heathen horde formed at the roadside cairn for the Grand Reopening of the Goat Hole letterbox the first question on everyone’s mind, were they celebrating the Summer or Winter Solstice??

Hash No: 1468

Hares:

Hounds:
Boozy Head, Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Hairy Hal, Hairy Leftovers,
BladeRunner, Missing McGonagall, Snowballing Grecian, Lady Boy George, Long Ranger, Adam, 
Andrew and  The Last Turtle Head of Doom

½ Hashers: Roy, Jackie and Arthur

As the heathen horde formed at the
roadside cairn for the Grand Reopening of the Goat Hole letterbox the first
question on everyone’s mind, were they celebrating the Summer or Winter
Solstice?? After some debate it was decided the hash was just were not smart
enough to figure out the answer.

For those unfamiliar with the
letterboxes, the Goat Hole letterbox has had a reputation of being a
particularly difficult one, due to the heavy overgrowth in the valley leading
up to it. Over the past 6 weeks a team of hash volunteers comprised of Missing
McGonagall, Snowballing Grecian, Lady Boy George, Mrs Palm and Jackie’s Pussy
have been clearing the path. While the result may not be up to the manicured
standards of Conservation Charley and Company, for guys they did a great job of
trimming the bushes.

The hash was joined this week by
Arthur and his entourage, making his first hash appearance. Ascension’s
esteemed hash master, BladeRunner, was finally able to get away from work and
return, giving the hash much needed guidance and leadership. With no hare or
hash set the brief fell to Missing McGonagall. It was short, no circle checks,
just keep going to the end and the usual hazards. The On-On sounded and the
drove set off up the valley.

The valley is one of the more
spectacular and little known geological features found on Ascension. The
eastern wall rises to 1300’ and has been sculpted over the years by wind and water.
There is an also a small Fairy Tern colony found there. With no circle checks
the hashers made their way to the two Coconut Palms found about half way up. Arthur
and his associates decided to explore the lower valley instead. One of them has
come down; both trees have fences that were placed around them to protect them
when first planted.  Although just why
someone should have planted these trees there is unknown. After a short break the
hash continued upward the valley to the letterbox. Taking a break to sign the
book, and noticing just how few signature were in it! The sound of the mighty
vuvuzela could be heard echoing over the valley. The group spread out for the
trail back down with the younger and fitter hashers easily out distancing some
of the older group.

Arriving
back at the cairn site, the post hash après was at the side of the road,
startling passers-by. The information the Soggy Boozer had taken an “O” level
in spinning and weaving was met with some interest, was she really that old or
did she grow up in an extremely remote and outdated part of the world? Had
electricity not reached her childhood home? In an interesting display of
hegemony BladeRunner explained why he did not make the World Famous Queen’s
Birthday hash. The sight of Lady Boy George sucking up to his boss was more
than a little disturbing, causing the younger hashers to opt to walk home. After
enjoying the moonrise, the après moved to the Boozy family patio to enjoy some
of the family patriarch’s very tasty home brewed beverages. Soggy Boozer
regaled the proletariat with tales of living in London and servants, including
young French male au pairs.  The sight of
the bus caused the party to break early and started a new (and smarter) hash
tradition, taking the bus home and leaving all the rubbish for the Boozy’s to
clean up. Thanks Charlie for stopping and allowing a bunch of sweaty, smelly
lads on your nice clean bus!

Next week: 
Grazing Valley Parking

Hares: Soggy Boozer and her winged
monkeys

Bring a plate of eats

TLTHoD

“When
humour goes, there goes civilization”

Erma
Bombeck