Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash 1445
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 17.01.2013 (Article Archived on 31.01.2013)

Parts of the group were silly enough to believe the local paper and formed up at the Devil’s Ashpit;

HASH TRASH ……….Hash No: 1445

Hares: Sniffy and Dozy ‘alfpenny

Hounds: Boozy Head, Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Hairy Hal, Hairy Leftovers, No Idea, Bum Ride, Herr-less Twitcher, Cameron, Frazier, Blue Shoe Bowie, Sgt Tackleberry, Mrs Tackleberry and The Last Turtle Head of Doom

Parts of the group were silly enough to believe the local paper and formed up at the Devil’s Ashpit; Sniffy finally arrived and directed the strays to the new starting point, the picnic site off the road below Castle Hill. As the rest of the hashers arrived, a rare appearance by No Idea did not bode well for the Hairy Twins, who were celebrating their 13^th birthday. Bum Ride arrived solo, apparently having allowed Bum Fluff to aimlessly wander the streets of Two Boats, highlighting the need for more stringent leash laws on the island.

The hash brief started off with death and fatigue as possible hazards, which got everyone’s attention, the brief then led into broken glass and wire, sharp plants, lose rocks, visibility and missing Britain’s got Talent. There was going to be 3 circle checks and one bar check. A bar check for those unfamiliar with the term is a line of hash. From there are three possible routes, the correct one being designated by a triangle.

The On-On sounded the throng headed off, crossing the road and heading to the Nature Trail/Warpath trail head, the hash leading off down Nature Trail. Reaching the first circle check, the clear day allowed the hashers a view that stretched almost all the way to St. Helena. From there the hash led straight up hill; Soggy Boozer claimed it was just a scurrilous rumour that she brings children on the hash so she can be carried up hill. After crawling under low hanging trees, the band reached a very pretty back arrow that sent them straight back down the hill to the original circle check. Dozy ‘alfpenny, probably from the training she gets on her other job, sounded remarkably sincere when she explained she made a mistake the hash actually went the other way.

From there the hash led back on to Nature Trail circling around to another good view point. BladeRunner’s aficionados let him down this week by failing to bring their horn, so the less than might sound of the vuvuzela was left unheard this week. The trail then led through a small gulch, across the road to the third circle check and another impressive view point, then circling around back to the road and up to the picnic area.

The post hash was busy. First the Hairy twin’s birthday complete with unlit candles and a rousing chorus of Hashy birthday led by the official Hash Music Mistress. Contrary to the popular belief TLToD’s math skills are not a product of the Two Boat’s school system.

This was followed by a triple naming. First up in the circle were the Tackleberry’s, while Mrs Tackleberry had reached had reached the required amount of hashes a few weeks ago, the Hash had made a decision that he needed to wait until his significant other also made her three hashes. Their names had been suggested weeks before when it was discovered that Sgt Tackleberry had trained as a US police officer, making her career choice because of her childhood movie hero and in a modern move her husband took her name. Next up was Blue Shoes Bowie, this was more difficult as his island visits are more spread out. A variety of names were suggested, most of which involved space and rockets were suggested, with the Major Tom reference having to be explained to the younger generations. His very European footwear was discussed at length, with Dozy ‘alfpenny arguing for a chocolate reference that left the younger hasher’s a bit confused.

Following the naming No Idea pointed her brothers were, like most boys, filthy little beasts. So the Hairy twins were invited to enter the circle and so became the first in a new hash tradition of a birthday cleansing and another chorus of Hashy Birthday. Bum ride, whose birthday is coming up in a few weeks, did object, pointing out that there had been no other birthdays since she joined the hash. She had failed to understand that after a certain age most of the hashers stopped having birthdays.

The post hash conversation covered such subjects as TLTHoD explaining American slang terms to the English Ladies, stamps, the island’s Delta Airline adventure last week, and Dozy ‘alfpenny’s recent fascination of a “50 shades of chocolate”

Next week: 16:30 The Grotto

Hares: The Last Turtle Head of Doom

Bring a plate of eats

“One may stand on the heights in England, or any other country, watching the same moon and the same stars, but in Ascension there is that extra thrill of the realisation that one is on a tiny island in the middle of a vast floodlighted ocean, a mere spot of land, almost insignificant, lapped by waves a thousand miles from anywhere”