Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash No: 1441
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 20.12.2012 (Article Archived on 03.01.2013)

As the hashers gathered at the old small arms training facility on the Firing Range, the more experienced hashers were a little leery.

Hash No: 1441

Hares: Boozy Head

Hounds: Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver, Idle Trekkie, Dead Gross, Hairy Hal, Hairy Leftovers.  Hot Fuzz, Sgt. Slipper, Slip Away, Bum Fluff, Scott, Whitney, Peter, Hamish and The Last Turtle Head of Doom

Apres: Bladerunner

As the hashers gathered at the old small arms training facility on the Firing Range, the more experienced hashers were a little leery. Knowing the history of the Boozy Clan hashes and that Boozy Head had been on holiday this week an inimitable (which translates to hard) hash was anticipated. The odd sight of Bum Fluff being allowed out without adult supervision was surprising; apparently the superb show the Royal Marine Band had put on Thursday night had Bum Slide so excited she had taken to her bed with the vapours. A quick nose count revealed a missing Bus Driver, who had gone the wrong starting location, probably on the advice of his aged mother, but he was quickly retrieved.

In the absence of the Hash master, who was using the old “I am at work personally keeping the lights on and the vampires away” excuse Boozy Head stepped into the role. In a slightly creepy and disturbing display of leadership, he had the hashers introduce themselves to the newcomers, none of which ran away screaming (good on them!) then laid out the hazards. Mexican Thorn, steep slopes, loose rocks, the possibility of unexploded ordnance and the ever present feral attack sheep were listed, as well as 5 circle checks a couple of back arrows and a bar check. At this point it was decided Boozy Head really did have too much time on his hands. 

The On-On sounded your dauntless explorers headed north following one of those odd features found on Ascension that appear on the map as river beds, and have that appearance, except we know they are not. This one was filled with Mexican Thorn, which the hash newcomers had not had the pleasure of dealing with before. Dodging, ducking, diving and finally crawling on hands and knees the hashers got through finally ending on a small plain on the northern side of Bear Back and the bar check.

 The bar check had 3 possible false trails which sent younger and less experienced hashers scattering in all directions, the couple of hashers familiar with a Boozy Clan hash just headed for the steepest uphill slope, which in a nice twist turned out to be wrong. Or at least so we thought, the trail did wind back to that slope, just in a roundabout way. Heading up the southern slope of Hollands Crater or Hollow Tooth, the group finally reformed at the circle check on the ridge half way up. The younger hashers were already ready to go before the last of the older hashers made it. Boozy Head then tried to convince the younger hashers that the trail led down into to crater and out the outside, more some reason none of the younger’s were willing to buy into it. Sadly, a couple of the older hashers hash started down that way, assuming it was just another evil Boozy Clan twist.

The trail then led to the upper peak of Hollow Tooth with a view of the whole northern- eastern shore of the island, from the ESA Site to Porpoise Point. The summit had a suprising disappointing echo and with the absence of Bladerunner the sound of the mighty vuvuzela was not heard.

Starting back down the path a couple of what appeared to Tropicbird nests were spotted on the far inside of the crater. This was a little surprising seeing those so far from the shoreline. Part way down the trail the hash took a turn sending the hashers back down the slope and across the flats to another small hill top, from there the vehicles and food could almost be seen. After the last circle check the hashers took off, ignoring the hash and heading for what was believe the general direction of the food, of course this turned out to be wrong. The group did discover that Slip Away is almost as good as Daddy Dough Balls with her rat alert. Finally getting re-orientated the group staggered back to the starting point, having survived another terrific Boozy Clan hash.

The post hash conversation had Peter’s decision making skills were questioned after he commented “I was just following TLTHoD”, a choice that will probably haunt him for a long time. The older hashers also had the chance to relive a misspent youth on fairgrounds when it was discovered that a good game of wack-a-mole could be played using younger hashers and the old firing holes. 

As the light faded Bladerunner finally made his appearance, having wandered aimlessly around his bicycle, which prompted the group to immediately clean up and head for the hills

Next week:  16:30 Long Beach-Saint’s Beach Hut

Hares: Bladerunner

Bring a plate of eats 

“Growing old is no more than a bad habit which a busy person has no time to form”
 Andre Maurois