Ascension : Hash Trash No 1435
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 08.11.2012 (Article Archived on 22.11.2012)

The only hasher to be seen this week was Bungalow Bill, back after a 3 year gap since last hashing on Ascension.

Hounds: Soggy Boozer, Boozy Head, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Hairy Leftovers, Hairy Hal, Over and Done With, Daddy Dough Balls, Bum Fluff, Bum Ride and Bungalow Bill.

Apres: The Last Turtle Head of Doom

The only hasher to be seen this week was Bungalow Bill, back after a 3 year gap since last hashing on Ascension. In place of the other hashers was a variety of zombies, skeletons, vampires and other assorted ghoulish creatures. Some regulars were missing – rumour had it that it was too late for them but others thought that they were too afraid of what lay ahead. After hanging around for 15 minutes wondering if they had the correct start time and where The Last Turtle Head of Doom was (jeep to be seen but no TLTHoD), Bladerunner finally turned up after being delayed by tourists.

The number of circle checks and hazards was vague – there were 4, or was it 5, circle checks, and lots of hazards. The bemused creatures set off across the beach after encountering a ghoulish post with a severed head (the tomato ketchup still fresh) on it. Bladerunner and Bum Fluff promptly disappeared leaving the hapless hashers to fend for themselves in the dark. It wasn’t helped that they forgot the golden rule of hashing – follow the hash and not the young hashers.  After wondering aimlessly across the beach, eventually a hash flag was found and the on-on was confidently called.  Bus Driver must have realised what lay ahead and he made a sharp exit to home accompanied by Boozy Head.

The trail continued along a path up the valley with some of the older hashers managing to freak themselves out without any help from the missing zombies. The grown-ups put the children at the front and then argued about who would be at the back – clearly too many hours have been spent watching badly made horror films and there was disagreement about if the hashers would be picked off from the front or the back.

A mysterious light, accompanied by haunting noises, was seen in the distance and it was heading towards the hashers. In a bid to calm nerves it was decided that this could be the missing Bladerunner coming to scare the assembled motley crew. A plan was hatched to turn the tables and torches were put out and the hashers stood around in the dark. The light kept coming, but then disappeared off in another direction – no chance for revenge on this occasion. On-on was called and we were off again.

Confusion reigned again about circle checks. The route was marked by flags and sheep skeletons but it was not clear what was a circle check until a half dug grave was encountered. The bold hashers took the opportunity for a sneaky photograph, only to be scared witless by Bladerunner jumping out from another hole. He smartly disappeared with the younger hashers giving a fruitless chase in the dark.

On-on and up and up. The way was becoming more treacherous in the dark with thorns and boulders marking the path. What was ahead? Various creepy assortments of shiny weapons were found, along with the severed head of Barbie doll.  Costumes and torches were inhibiting the hashers, with Soggy Boozer in particular struggling with a constricting skirt and hair to rival TLTHoD’s. Bum Fluff jumped out on the hashers but was kinder than Bladerunner and didn’t scare as many hashers. We knew we were on the right track when Bladerunner’s siren was found lighting up a spider and a pumpkin.

Still the hashers continued up with many cries for beer and food. Doubt was now setting in as the hashers had been promised an easy hash. The lack of hash flags and ghoulish implements increased this doubt. After going on up for what felt like an eternity, the assembled crew eventually decided that Bladerunner would probably have put in a back arrow somewhere and they should turn back. This turned out to be a wise move.

Hashers headed back down the way they had come – strange how going down was much quicker than the way up. Bladerunner took the opportunity to jump out (again!) and scare the hashers before disappearing off into the dark (again!).

Hashers decided to take a short cut as the tempting sound of the waves was heard. Another light seen coming their way – should this be something to be wary off? No, it was TLTHoD who had become alarmed at the lack of lights on the horizon and had come in search of the missing hashers. He guided the hashers back to the beach hut. The sight of fire and Boozy Head was a welcoming sight to the tired and thirsty hashers.

TLTHoD was not impressed that he had been hiding in the sand for an hour to scare the brave hashers but as we had completely missed the start of the trail had also missed his hiding place. He was pleased that suspectinghe was hiding was enough to freak most of us out. There was disagreement as to who should have laid the missing back arrow but all was forgiven once the hashers had liquid refreshments and food in their hands. The beach hut was decked out in a splendid manner and all agreed this was a good haunting hash from Bladerunner.

The witches fly
Across the sky,
The owls go, "Who? Who? Who?"
The black cats yowl
And green ghosts howl,
"Scary Halloween to you!"                                                                              Nina Willis Walter

Next week: 4.30pm at Waters Edge cairn on the track by the runway.

Bring a plate of eats.