Ascension : Hash Flash - Hash Master gets lost on Hash!
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 04.10.2012 (Article Archived on 18.10.2012)

Hashers assembled at the Cable and Wireless Earth Station on Nasa Road. Concerns were raised as Tom Thumb was seen heading in the wrong direction through Two Boats with the beers.

Hash no: 1430

Hare: Sniffy

Hounds: Bladerunner AKA Hash Master, Over and Done With, Daddy Dough Balls, Tom Thumb, Small Balls, Hot Fuzz, Boozy Head, Soggy Boozer, Bus Driver, Dead Gross, Idle Trekkie, Hairy Hal, Hairy Leftovers, Sharon, Ken, Scott, Martin and Mel.

Hashers assembled at the Cable and Wireless Earth Station on Nasa Road. Concerns were raised as Tom Thumb was seen heading in the wrong direction through Two Boats with the beers.

Sniffy assured the assembled hashers that this was an ‘X-Factor friendly’ hash. Hazards were low hanging trees (some limbo may be required), prickly pear (pay careful attention to the ankle biters), some up, some down and some loose rocks. The different types of hash used were explained to the novice hashers along with circle checks and hash bars with 2 false trails and 1 correct one at these.

Just as the on-on was called, Tom Thumb arrived to the relief of all the hashers. Hashers limbo-ed and crawled under low hanging trees to the first circle check at the WWII American Mess site. On-on through the valley and past many rusty old vehicles. No time to explore today but many hashers vowed to return at a more leisurely pace to investigate further. A bar check was then found. Hashers went in many directions with the Hairy Pair heading up the hill – they were too eager, no hill climbing just yet. On-on was eventually found through the bushes and then there was a turn up the hill.

As usual, the younger hashers scampered up while other hashers huffed and puffed their way up. Relief all round as a circle check was found at the top. Views were admired and then on-on was found past the prickly pear. Hairy Leftovers was not careful enough and was spiked on his back. As many prickles as possible were pulled out but Hairy Leftovers chose not to put back on the prickled t-shirt and finished the hash topless. The on-on took us into Devil’s Riding School – a first for some of the newer hashers, to another bar check. The Hairy Pair and Bladerunner found a back arrow on the trail they took. They took this as back to the last circle check and disappeared back down the hill while the other hashers had found the correct route through Devil’s Riding School. Bladerunner’svuvuzela was heard from over the hill but he was nowhere to be seen. Bladerunner and the Hairy Pair hadn’t noticed that the other hashers had disappeared in the other direction. After much shouting and Boozy Head giving chase they eventually returned to the fold. Bladerunner aka Hash Master was scolded for not following the hash and getting lost.

Meanwhile the hashers that were ahead had lost the hash going down the hill. Over and Done With and Daddy Dough Balls lead the way but they weren’t following the hash and much confusion ensued. Hashers could be seen all over. They had missed a circle check but eventually some of the hashers at the back found the hash and on-on was called again. Back to the road with refreshments calling. Hashers chose to ignore the back arrow that Sniffy had set on the side of the road. This had been too eventful to go back again.

Hashers had learnt two valuable lessons in hashing:

1) follow the hash

2) don’t follow the Hash Master.

Next week: 4.30pm, The Radar Shack (the bench) on the Mountain Road up to the Red Lion.

Hares: Hairy Leftovers, Hairy Hal, Dead Gross and Idle Trekkie.

Bring a plate of eats.

“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.” Fred Allen