Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash 1400
Submitted by The Islander (Islander Editors) 01.03.2012 (Article Archived on 15.03.2012)
One may have been forgiven for thinking they were in Vegas at the weekend as an swagger of Elvis’ assembled ‘ah ha’ ing on patio 13.
Hash No: 1400
Hares: Wood ‘n’ Pecker and Drew
Hounds: Dipstick as Blue Hawaii, Gumpy Two Scoops as Blue Suede Shoes, Bladerunner as Jailhouse Rock, Aloe Gobby as GI Blues, Jordinairres Sweetheart as Return to Sender, Soggy Boulders as Hawaiian sunset, Whinnie the Poo as Blue Suede Shoes (but they were turquoise), Bloodsucker as From Rags to Riches, Monkeypotamus as Teddy Bear, Argh Stoppit and Marlene as Hawaiian Wedding, Sportacus as GI Blues, Mucky Digger as Here comes Santa Claus, Mucky Princess as Honky Tonk Angel, Sniffy as a Hunk of Burning Love, Beaver Diva thinking I don’t care if the sun don’t shine, Old Golly Waddler as In the Ghetto, Wobbly Bits just looking cool in her shades and Over and Done with, Herr Taff, Simply Indiscreet and Wood ‘n’ Pecker as Elvis.
Apres: Laughing Hyena and Slippery Dick as themselves (bringing hot food)flip flop and fly.
One may have been forgiven for thinking they were in Vegas at the weekend as an swagger of Elvis’ assembled ‘ah ha’ ing on patio 13. This being the 1400th hash on Ascension, the Hash Bash and an Elvis theme, I wonder how many Elvis song titles can be fitted into the write up from here on!
The hash promised some good rockin tonight with fantastic costumes, Bladerunner had made a change of habit, leaving his machete at home bringing a wooden guitar, man. ‘Do you know who I am?’ Golly Waddler asked. The sound of a newborn baby crying in the ghetto gave it away. Hi heeled sneakers and Suspicious minds wondered if the hash would be long and hard, Wooden Pecker promised a walk that lonesome road. But first we had a bus to catch! The long legged girl (with a short dress on) – that be Over and Done with climbed aboard and we were ready to be rubbernecking. Wobbly bits wished for a long black limosine, but a shake, rattle and roll(?) bus journey round the mountain was planned.
A long, lonely highway later – all the way to the Weatherpost cairn, it felt as if we on top of old smoky. Clouds around and a chill in the air. By and by, the hare took control explaining the hazards as promised, land crabs, thorn and cliffs. Run on along the road back to base. I believe we be walking all the way back to the green, green grass of home? In these shoes? When hash was spotted the calls of ‘rock on’ could be heard across the valley. Beyond the bend more hash was seen showing the big boots the way to go.
What now, what next, where to? Run on. A turn right along the path towards scouts campsite. Not a one track heart, some diversions were taken along the way but the group soon reassembled way down at the second circle point where the hash was drawn round rather an unusual cairn. A little less conversation and a little more action from the talkers at the back, eventually all caught up. Bloodsucker was pushed to the front while the people parted revealing the sign on the cairn ‘Bloodsucker’s bend’. Once she could find out what’s happening, Bloodsucker was lost for words. Steadfast, loyal and true. For the good times, a letterbox had been constructed for our very own Bloodsucker at her favourite place on island – Lookout Ledge.
As hashers walked to the edge of reality, they found a real bar check. I slipped, I stumbled, I fell. The keg contained champagne and soft drinks to celebrate the first visit to the letterbox. Well, it’s now or never and I’m counting on you to find these 33 song titles.
The chill was setting in as the book passed around, those Hawaiian girls were developing goose pimples unseen on Ascension. It’s called Lookout ledge for a reason, this is an easy letterbox to find, good track and a rewarding vista of Cricket valley. There are step drops so it’s not a recommended camp site for alcohol or children. On that note, it was time to head back for the party! At last, the keg was half full and youthful Elvis impersonators volunteered to lift it back up the cliff. They just kept on going! Of course the keg was getting lighter, full bottles replaced with empty ones (make note, there are no empty bottles or litter on the track to Scout camp). Taking turns, even the girls carried their part (except Bloodsucker). At one point the little songsters ran off down a wrong track and Sportacus, Mucky Digger, Aloe Gobby and Beaver Diva had to be dragged back.
At the road end, the keg was set down, strangely no one offered to guard it but everyone ran for the busses. Simply Indiscreet mixed his priorities here. The return journey was rather like one of those bad yet addictive reality programmes with Elvises on a coach trip singing their love me tenders and wooden hearts, but no one was kicked off despite wrong notes and humming.
The charcoal was ready for barbecuing but hash business needed attending to, and rather a lot of it! First up, Carolyne needed a name. Sniffy had earlier mentioned Elvis’s backing group ‘the Jordinairres’ so she rather nicely became the jordinairres sweetheart. Wood ‘n’ Pecker has been hash master for three year now so this is the best time to hand over. The group put their faith unanimously into Bladerunner’s shoes. Poor Bladerunner had no argument strong enough. In need of a little spiritual advice, Sniffy will be wearing the mitre in order to hand out punishments and penance. Now seeking a new keeper of the kegs and a few more keen runners and hashers. Bloodsucker (and Monkeypotamus) had three pair of boots to burn, enough rubber pollution for a month. A suspect looking pizza box was presented by the most glamorous Elvis lookalike on island, containing an Ascension clock, Glasses were raised to thank her for hash contributions over the last nine year and a cheery ‘on-on’all the best covering hash ground with new group (old F.A.R.T.S) . Bottles were also raised for Fugitive who left on the ship on Sunday after over 40 years on Ascension. On-on!
It has been a quiet year of hashing on Ascension, no major injuries, losses, no benighted hashers, no trauma, landslides or children lost in caves and holes, just many people coming and going. Many stories shared and ground covered. We have said fond farewells to the Peters family, Dr Livingstone and I Presume, Nerdy Head and the Shortie family, Tom Thumb, Menoporche, Lady Go Diver and the boys, marathon hash setters Baggage Boy and Man Beater and of course the legend known as Uncle Fester.
At the same time, many unsuspecting souls have been given an Ascension soaking and strange name, most recently Soggy (not Saggy) Boulders, Whinnie the Poo, Herr Taff, Herr Bitchmaster and Herr Roman Rummer, No Brakes and the Warpspeed family.
Hashing here is not just good exercise and a way to explore your island but a social occasion too, everyone is welcome to join in, the pace can be slow and chatty or fast running at the front of the pack. Whatever, memories and scars are collected here, hashing is a unique sport.
Thanks to everyone who helped make a feast of the afternoon and evening. Special thanks to Drew (no name) who mixed concrete, ordered lettering behind Shari’s back and proved that it is still possible to keep a secret on Ascension!
Last words ;