Ascension : Hash Trash - No. 1119
Submitted by The Islander (Nathan Prince) 24.08.2006 (Article Archived on 28.09.2006)

The hounds gathered at the RAF bare base at the foot of Green Mountain ready for their special ops mission.

Hares: Chief Pimp, 100 Watt

Hounds: Forrest Gump, Red Light Queen, Tweedle Dumb, Tweedle Dumber, I’m Easy, Wallace, Psycho Path, Easy Rider, Barby Boy, Rob Rist, Gumby Two-Scoops, Glitoris, Major, Chastity Belt, Yeti, Uncle Fester, Wild Bill Cock, Oh That Woman, Mildew and Ariel

Apres: Grommitt, Pimp My Ride, Danny, Ollie, Dr. Jeckyll

The hounds gathered together at the RAF bare base at the foot of Green Mountain ready for their special ops mission.  Chief Pimp and 100 Watt were trying to use some new and old RAF tactics to keep the secret operation from leaking out to the hounds.  Well they did a great job because I don’t even think they knew where the mission was to take us. Hehe

We all had to pile into our special ops vehicles and head up Green Mountain to our launching point and I mean pile.  Yeti was in the follow vehicle and yelled out GAS! GAS! GAS! so we all had to don our chemical warfare suits until the all clear was given.  At the top of the mountain Chief Pimp passed the lead vehicle so the elite team would be ready to give the hounds their mission.

Chief Pimp and 100 Watt said that our first mission brief would be at the Pig Pens, so we got our packs on and headed up the hill.  When we arrived Chief Pimp pulled out the special ops envelope and told us that there were a multitude of hazards on this mission, shear cliffs, slippery rocks, hidden rocks under grass, prickly pears, guava plants and many others.  Were we ready for this kind of mission, especially with rookies like Ariel?

Chief Pimp and 100 Watt looked at all of us and asked if we were ready to start the mission and all the hounds stepped forward.  They said very well, the on-on is on Bishops trail.  The FRB’s were given a special diversion tactic and would meet up with us at the next circle check, and then they streaked up the mountain toward the old Marine barracks and water catchments.  The first bit of the trail was tricky and we had to all stay close together as we made our way along the treacherous cliffs of Bishops trail.  Chief Pimp was careful to point out the hazards; he didn’t want to lose any team member.

We could finally see our first mission circle check in view and could see the FRB’s heading down the hill to cover our position.  As we got closer, one of Chief Pimp’s black sheep special ops operatives came running out of the bushes where he was camouflaged and met Chief Pimp at the circle check to give us the next leg of our mission.  Which way would we go?  Chief Pimp and 100 Watt decoded the message from the black sheep operative and they said the on-on was down-down through break neck valley. 

As we made our way down the trail it was slow going.  Gumby Two Scoops told Forrest Gump that he had been on a similar mission before but they had used special ATV vehicles and they had suffered casualties just getting down the terrain.  Forrest caught up with the Major and asked him how he was doing on the steep terrain and he said a little shaky but he would make it.  As we came over a ridge we could see our next circle check from at least five hundred yards away; Chief Pimp and 100 Watt didn’t want us to miss any mission check point.  As we got closer the team split in two directions, Wild Bill Cock flanked to the right to take an easier route to the circle check and Forrest, Major, Tweedle Dumb, Tweedle Dumber, Red Light Queen and I’m Easy followed WBC’s lead.  The other group which included Chief Pimp, Ariel, Mildew, Oh That Woman, Easy Rider, Psycho Path, Glitoris, Barby Boy, Rob Rist and a few others took the more difficult route and were using their special BUM tactics to get down the hill.  We all made it and awaited our next mission brief.

Surely we wouldn’t turn around and go up-up.  Chief Pimp finally revealed our next mission and the on-on was still down-down through the lower half of break neck valley.  As the FRB’s streaked off down the hill, Tweedle Dumb and Tweedle Dumber were not far behind and had left Forrest like he was standing still using their cat like tactics making their way down and around the rocks and prickly pear.  We could see that the FRB’s had already gotten to the next mission circle check and were waiting for the hounds impatiently.  As we got closer I’m Easy had found some debris on the trail and when we arrived at the circle check she accused Chief Pimp and 100 Watt of possibly jeopardizing our mission leaving it behind.  Red Light Queen just rolled her eyes wondering how that could jeopardize our mission.  Well, no real damage done we could continue on with our on-on.

Now came the critical part of our mission.  Chief Pimp and 100 Watt said there were no more GPS markers on the trail and we were on our own for the rest of the on-on.  They said we were to meet at the RAF bare base in Grazing Valley.  Chief Pimp pointed in the direction of Mountain Red Hill and said on-on.  The FRB’s started streaking toward Mt. Red Hill and Forrest Gump yelled out (May the Force Be with You!).  Then I’m Easy turned to Forrest and said don’t you have the satellite phone you better go with them, so Forrest headed out behind the FRB’s.  The slow hounds headed off in a safer direction towards Bullocks Pond.

As Forrest got to the top of Mt. Red Hill he saw that Uncle Fester had waited on him and had already gotten out the stamp so that we could show that we had completed that part of the mission.  As Forrest and Uncle Fester started down the back side of Mt. Red Hill they could see the FRB’s more than half way down the steep hill.  After all the slipping and sliding and trying to avoid the prickly pears they made it to the bottom.  Forrest and Uncle Fester quickly walked around to Grazing Valley and could see in the distance one of the special ops vehicles taking off without us, but as we got closer we could see that we still had transportation but where were the rest of the hounds.  Way off in the distance we heard this yelp and we could see that Ariel was leading the pack of hounds as they finished their mission.

What a great hash! Chief Pimp and 100 Watt you led us on a treacherous route but you got us to our destination all safely.  A few scratches and scrapes but nothing a little R&R wouldn’t take care of. 

Afterwards we all met at Chief Pimps secret headquarters in Georgetown, where Pimp My Ride had pimped up the patio for our R&R feast.  Chief Pimp put on some rocking tunes and we all had a grand time.  Thanks, Pimp My Ride for being a great hostess and inviting us into your secret headquarters for some great food and fellowship. Mildew said there is no hash business, so lets party on.