Ascension : Hash Trash - Hash 1052
Submitted by The Islander (Gavin Yon) 21.04.2005 (Article Archived on 05.05.2005)

A cool, somewhat foggy afternoon greeted the hounds as they gathered at North East Paddock for today’s hash.

Hares:  Uncle Fester & Hanky Spanky

Hounds:  Puff Grannie, Morticia, Chief Baldeagle, Finn, Cilla, 100 Watt, Mildew, Yeti, La Femme Fenomenal, Heathcliff, Alex, Little Crisis, Jackass, GoGoGadget, Going Down, Great Balls of Fire, Bloodsucker, Chicken Licker, Three Bulls Humping, Hand Job, Hoochie Mama, Old Croc, Deputy Dawg, Psycho Nuts, Miss Piggy, Septic Peg, Hash Banana, Cycopath, Easy Rider, Chief Pimp

A cool, somewhat foggy afternoon greeted the hounds as they gathered at North East Paddock for today’s hash.  Nice of the hares to put hash on the road to guide us to the back of beyond!  The instructions seemed a little muddled, and considering the hares had said it was very foggy and rainy when they laid the hash, we really weren’t sure if they even knew where we were headed!  With the warnings of loose bits and steep drops, off we went. 

We soon found Rupert’s path, and headed along it for a little while.  At the first circle check, there was the option of taking a shortcut back, but no one decided to take the easy way out!   A few tricky back arrows and strange change of directions caused a few people some grief.  Heathcliff, in her determination to be in front found herself having to climb down quite a cliff, but Three Bulls Humping and others were there to catch her.  At another point, quite a number got tricked into sliding down an embankment, only to find a back arrow at the bottom of the ravine.  With plenty of grumbles, (and sighs of relief of those who had stayed at the top!), all eventually made it back up!

The crowd thinned out as the FRBs took off ahead of the rest.  As we climbed down an extremely slippery bit, with the sight of the road teasing us, Great Balls of Fire appeared out of nowhere.  Too late to catch a lift in, he had tried to catch up, and created his own hash route trying to catch up with the voices in the distance!  At the circle check, Chief Pimp became fascinated by the many crabs around, and spent his rest time snapping photos, while our resident conservationist, Miss Piggy, gave a lecture on how to tell the sex of the little critters!  Although the sight of the parked cars on the main road, so close by, tempted a few, after a welcome rest, off we went again.

Off we went along the road, realizing that the hash wasn’t really there to mark the drive in, but was part of the route.  Of course, we couldn’t stay on the road for long, and soon it was off on a little detour.  When we made it back out to the road, another choice faced the hounds.  Easy (lazy) route – straight on along the road; tough route – climb up the gully.  While the group divided, a good many decided on the gully.  What followed next was a matter of dodging the sharp points of the aloe plants, and a good, steady climb.

The stragglers managed to almost miss the end point, and continued on down the path a ways, until the smell of the barbecue alerted them to their mistake.  Eagerly scrambling up yet another embankment, all made it safely back to the refreshments!  As usual, a great feast followed.

The circle of friendship was drawn once more, and two sorry (very sorry – it was very cool up there!) souls were welcomed into the group.  First was Nat, who was christened Chief Pimp.  Then it was Spencer’s turn.  Thanks to a little incident with a baby donkey, he will forever be known as Jackass!  Everyone was impressed with his lack of flinching when the cold water hit!!  Welcome to the Ascension Hash House Harriers, you two!

Thanks to Hanky Spanky and Uncle Fester for a great hash.  We all made it home eventually, regardless of your attempt to lose us! 

Next Week:  Special Red Dress Hash.  Everyone come dressed in your prettiest frocks! Start at Two Boats Club Car Park; don’t worry, there will be transport to pick up cars after the hash!

Hares:  100 Watt, Yeti & Fugitive